


Going Under

by Velvet-Muffin (MischaBea)



Series: Mission Universe [5]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Erotica, F/M, Gen, Humor, NSFW, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1364308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MischaBea/pseuds/Velvet-Muffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brynja Omdahl is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who has had a difficult year.  And if her dreams are any indication, it's about to get worse.  What will she do when her objective is in direct opposition to that of her superiors and the members of the Avengers Initiative?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission:  Clarify

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams of Loki plaguing her, Brynja needs to clear he head before the next mission.

_I was poised just inside the closed glass door.  Loki stood in the middle of the cage, eyes narrowed, searching me.  “How do you know I won’t hurt you?” he asked._

_“Well, you couldn’t even if you wanted to,” I replied, flippant.  “But you don’t want to.”  My bravado was a bad idea._

_He had me pressed up against the glass, instantly.  His hips pushed into my abdomen, hands on the glass above my shoulders. He towered over me, leaning in.  I could feel every inch of his leather clad body pressing into mine.  He was going for menace, but it was difficult to see it that way._

_Though my breath began to come in ragged gasps, it was not from terror but arousal.  I looked up into his eyes, those liquid, green eyes I’d spent the last year thinking of.  He smiled but it did not reach those eyes.  I bit my lower lip, and sent out a burst of energy that pushed him across the room.  He landed on his back and I moved to stand over him._

_“That was impressive,” he said, as he yanked my foot, laying me out beside him.  In a second, he was on top of me, hands on my upper arms, pinning me down, his lower body pushing my legs apart.  “How did you manage that little trick?”_

_“Oh, I have lots of tricks,” I replied, “I can’t wait to show you more.”  I smirked as I tightened my legs around his hips.  He dipped his head down and forced his tongue into my mouth.  I felt my skirt pushed up over my hips.  I pulled my mouth back from his and smiled.  “You know, this isn’t really the best time or place for this.”_

_His response was a quiet laugh, a return to my lips and a thrusting between my thighs…_

 

I shot up in the bed, sucking in oxygen as if I’d been deprived for minutes.  On my exhale a strangled moan escaped me.  “Fuck!” I yelled to the ceiling.

Tasha laughed from the other bed in the room.  She’d probably been up for an hour already.  Fully dressed and perched with one leg hanging off the bed, the other tucked beneath her, she was lovingly cleaning her guns again.  “Sounded like a good one, Bryn,” she smirked, “Guy with the eyes again?”  

That’s how I’d described him to her.  Just this guy I met once.  He had these incredible eyes… I hadn’t wanted to tell her anything but I couldn’t manage to hide from her that I’d been obsessing over something.  That was extremely frustrating.  I prided myself on my ability to conceal what needs to be hidden.  But the fascination with this man had illuminated some chinks in my armor.  And Tash was too intuitive for my liking.  I scrubbed my face with the heels of my hands.   I needed my mind clear.  I was not compromising this mission for some beautiful asshole who had already tried to kill me once. 

It was just … the dreams.  I knew too much now to just forget.  Of course the problem with my dreams was distinguishing the true prescience from the wishful thinking.  I was pretty sure this was a wishful one. 

But, I plucked one clear thought from my subconscious - I’d spent the last year thinking of those eyes.  My short but memorable meeting with the Asgardians was just a couple of months ago.  What a weird little tidbit to float into a fluff dream.   Maybe it was more.  Well, then, it was definitely something I’d be looking forward to. 

In an attempt to thwart that truly nonproductive thinking I sat up and turned my attention to my friend.  “Yeah, uh, sorry.  It was, uh, it was the guy again.”  I failed to suppress my involuntary groan. “It was so clear!  I just can’t even make a distinction between reality and whatever this shit is anymore!  It’s going to drive me crazy.”

“Nah,” she smirked.  “We’re just going to have to make a concerted effort to get you laid soon.  Maybe we can figure out a way to add some pleasure to your trip?”  She made it seem like we were heading to Tahiti.

I barked out a laugh. “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.  Maybe I can get one of the arms dealers in a room by himself while you’re shooting up the rest of them.  My Russian isn’t all that great but I’m pretty sure I could get that point across.  Seriously though, after this we should go back to Santorini and get well and truly fucked again.”

She made a noncommittal noise.  “I don’t know if I can do that.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Do not tell me you and Bird Boy are on again?”

She shrugged and I shook my head.  It was impossible to keep up with those two.  Tash didn’t really like to discuss it and they were rarely in the same place at the same time for long, so it was hard to tell at any given moment.

“Doesn’t matter.  We were talking about you.  How long has it been anyway?”

It was my turn to shrug.  “A few months, I guess.”

“Was it Johnson?”

“No, not that time.  Isn’t Johnson dead?  Didn’t he not make it out of Azerbaijan last year?”

“He wasn’t involved in that op.”

I scrunched my nose in thought.  “Then who the hell am I thinking of?  Schall!  It was Schall who died on that mission!”

“So Schall and Johnson.  And who was a few months ago?”

“That was Guerra.”

“Guerra?  Jesus, Bryn, all those guys are such assholes!  Or were, in Schall’s case.”

“Exactly!  I have a type.”

“You know you don’t.  Maybe you need to try a decent human being again?”

“Uh, no.”  I huffed a humorless little laugh.  “I've tried that.  It doesn't go well.  Besides, it's not like I'm looking for a relationship.  Those things are just, fun, or whatever."

"Are you still doing the," she made a cracking whip motion with her hand.

"Only when I'm asked."

"You need more than that.  I know you."  She actually looked a little worried.

"Stop it.  I've already got a life plan.  Once you and Clint are done for good, he and I totally getting married.  We decided."

She huffed.  "That's funny.  You two couldn't even make a one night stand work."

"It will be a sexless marriage, to be sure," I agreed.  "We'll either be laughing to hard to fuck or too drunk to make the equipment work.  But we'll be so happy!"  

I stood and walked into the bathroom, shedding my cami and shorts as I went.  By the the look on her face, I'd hit the Romanoff shit-taking limit.  If I hadn't stopped teasing her, she was going to punch me.  

Stepping into the shower, I allowed the cold water to run over me.  I tried to focus on the upcoming assignment.  I could never decide which type of mission I preferred.  Field work was dangerous but exciting.  Industrial espionage was definitely not as interesting but the chances of your corpse being left to rot in a pasture were much lower.  I felt lucky to be able to do both.  But on the eve of a possible  _corpse in field prospect_ , I tended to long for an assignment that does not involve almost certain doom.  Of course, that's a joke. There's always certain doom once S.H.I.E.L.D. gets involved.  Maybe not for me, but definitely for someone.  I tend to bring the doom to the poor unsuspecting scientists in my undercover ops.  I'm the S.H.I.E.L.D rat that they send into the maze to get the little scientific pellets.  Intelligent enough to know what to look for, female enough to be unsuspected.  Ah, misogyny, so easily manipulated.  I can get in, learn what I need, plant a few of my undetectable devices to retrieve additional information, and get out with a minimum of muss and fuss, excepting a few notable examples of abject failure.  Well, two examples.  One of which was New Mexico.   The other we don’t discuss.

Astrophysics is fascinating but I don’t think anyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. was expecting the world-changing conclusions we got with the Einstein-Rosen bridge studies Jane Foster was conducting.  I really think they were just hoping to find a way to weaponize a wormhole or something.   We got much more.  Entire civilizations we’d never known existed.

Once they found the “satellite” they sent in the big guns. Damn Coulson.  Cover spectacularly blown.  If he'd just called discreetly rather than barging in and confiscating the entire lab, everything would have gone much more smoothly.  They broke in and took all the research, my computer included.  That thing is my lifeline when I don’t have my Mobile Arm-borne Processor or M.A.P. as I call her.  And being undercover she’d had to stay home.  So of course I had to go in and retrieve the laptop.  I didn’t believe it was possible they’d be able to hack into it but no chances could be taken, too much incriminating evidence.  They didn’t need to know the extent to which I’d infiltrated their systems.   I grabbed as much of Jane’s research as I could carry as well.  You know, for spite.

It wasn't difficult to get around in the makeshift camp.  Especially once Thor decided to rip his way in.   If I’d known how effective that would be as a distraction, I’d have orchestrated it myself.  Thor.  Nice guy.  I really liked him.  You wouldn’t know it to look at him, being such a big menacing bastard but he’s kind and sweet, and the best drinking buddy a girl could ask for.  Damn it.  This was a bad train of thought. Thoughts of Thor invariably lead to his brother.

All too often my mind ended up there.  _Files gathered in my arms, racing trough the corridors, trying to get out and back to Puente Antiguo attracting as little attention as possible.  I quickly glance behind me to make sure I'm not being followed when I hit him, the immovable object.  Files fly and, in a panic, I'm on my hands and knees, grabbing them back up, shoving them in the folders, apologizing, gibbering.  Where had this imposing sculpture of a man come from?  In his impeccable, obviously not S.H.I.E.L.D. provided, suit and beautifully shined apron-toe oxfords? (Gorgeous shoes.  Looked like Prada.)_

"Allow me to assist." I'll never forget that cool smooth voice, or the hand that had reached down to pull me back to my feet.  I’d looked up into his face.  That's when the eyes bored into me, broke me, and left me for dead.  Those eyes with the pop of one eyebrow and an amused twist of his lips were all it had taken to thoroughly ruin my life.  Well, you know, ruin it _more._ As I rounded the corner, glancing back for one more look at him, he was also looking back at me.  That didn’t really help.   I knew this guy was important.  He was “The Guy”.  Even in my head that sounded stupid but I was positive that meeting was meaningful.  And my certainty was always accurate.

The following morning as I’d been gushing to Jane over the mysterious stranger I had intended to stalk using all my S.H.I.E.L.D. resources (don’t judge), Thor told me my description matched that of his brother, Loki, who had been present in the facility the night before.   I’d been so sure that little interaction had been consequential.  All my life when I’d had that feeling of utter certitude, it had been spot on.  Never before had my intuition failed me.  I’m not a fan of being wrong.  This time it seemed like I was.  I really believe that was the thing that messed with my mind the most. 

Being in a different realm was enough difficulty for a fledgling imaginary relationship but then Loki sent the destroyer to kill everyone, proving once and for all he was not exactly good boyfriend material.  So, he pretty much seemed perfect.  My obsession really began when my dreams started to focus on him.  I’ve always had the occasional dream that led to what I refer to as déjà vu moments, never anything life changing or important.  Just things like, Erik is going to ask for a cup of coffee after his monologue about gravitational waves.  This has been different.  I’ve seen destruction, death, war, all playing out as if right in front of me, all with that feeling of certainty that I could no longer trust.

I pressed my forehead into the cool porcelain of the shower surround. This was not helping and now I was being melodramatic.  I jumped out, toweled off, and looked at myself in the mirror.  This lack of sleep was not doing me any favors.  I poked at the dark circles under my eyes and sighed.  My irises were completely brown, none of the gold or green flecks that normally lightened them anywhere to be found.  That could have come from either the sleep deprivation or annoyance, it happened with both.  I hurriedly finished my AM routine. 

Tash was packed and ready to go.  "Care package," she grinned.  I opened the bag and pulled out garments and weaponry.

"Come on!  No!" I yell in frustration.  "Why does it always have to be a catsuit? 

 This is why I hate field work.  Goddamn catsuits.  Wouldn't jeans and a tee shirt be more comfortable and less conspicuous?"

"They're perfectly comfortable, very streamlined," she replied.  "Plus, they make you feel like a badass."

"They make me feel like a sausage." I said as I pull it on.  "But these boots are nice."  Supple black leather, slight wedge heel, functional matte black buckles for a perfect fit.  Ooh, comfortable.  S.H.I.E.L.D. might be bad with outfits but they sometimes, just occasionally, did alright with shoes.

As we finished packing up and started out to meet the transport vehicle, I tried to decide if this assignment would be a comforting distraction or just more trouble.  Any mission with Natasha was bound to be interesting and probably deadly.   Yeah, I definitely preferred the boring lab work.

I holstered my pistols, adjusted my daggers, and checked the connection on the bracer containing the M.A.P.  Made of adamantium steel, she could deflect a bullet.  Powered by tiny arc reactor (thank you Stark), she never loses power.  She’s my prized possession, an extension of myself.  I’m always most confident when wired up.

“Ready, Brynja?” Tasha asked as she held open the door.

“As I’ll ever be,” I replied, stepping past her.


	2. Mission:  Defuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission with Natasha goes as planned...almost.

We'd been in the transport plane for a couple of hours, and my thoughts kept turning to my strange dreams.  I believed them to be prophetic, they had that feel of a premonition I'd recognized since childhood.   Signs were pointing to an answer I wasn't sure I wanted.  It seemed like I maybe I needed to get my hands on Loki.  And although I wanted to literally get my hands on him, I didn't really want to deal with what appeared was going to be crazy bullshit.

I realized being alone with my thoughts was turning out to be a bad idea, so I decided to go over the plans.  I turned on the M.A.P. in holograph mode, sliding through the 3 dimensional blueprint of the underground bunker we were infiltrating.  The room with the stolen tech was in the lowest level.  I zoomed in, taking the tunnels down to the door.  Seemed straight forward enough.

“Don’t you normally have to use your fingers to navigate those screens?" Tasha asked leaning in.

“Oh no, I’ve got it synced with my biometrics."  This was a lie of course.  My technological prowess came from the exceeding ease in which I’m able to manipulate electronic energy.  But no one ever second guessed the biometric excuse.  I suppose I could just flick at the screen for show but, ugh, too much work.

As always, the explanation was accepted without question.  Natasha went on, “So once we get into the compound, I’ll head to the main chamber and capture Ovechkin to bring in for questioning.  You find the bomb, neutralize it, then we call in the cavalry and get the hell out.”

“Sounds like a plan.”  I shut down the M.A.P. and absentmindedly fiddled with the flat gold pendant around my neck, with the interlocking triangles imprinted on it.

Natasha narrowed her eyes.  “Do you ever not wear that?"

“This?”  I ask holding it out.  “I guess I always do.  Good luck charm or something."  I didn't elaborate.  It was the only thing my mother had left me, other than the unwieldy ridiculousness of my name.  Brynja Omdahl.  The sisters at the orphanage tried to help by giving me a more mainstream Catholic middle name but adding Mary-Elizabeth just made it worse.

I grew up in the orphanage, which was fine because they let me perform any advanced studies I wanted.  That’s how I ended up in the Academy when I was seventeen.  At a very early age, I learned to conceal the things that made me different.  I’d been shunned by the other children when I’d proudly displayed my unusual abilities.  Luckily, adults chalked it up to overactive imaginations.  So in private, I honed my psychokinetic skills to a fine point.  Even now, when their use might help me advance my career, I don’t generally use them in a public space unless I can hide it under a tech blanket that most people wouldn't understand. In part out of fear of negative reactions, in part out of fear of positive ones.  I was perfectly happy to stay under the radar.  I didn’t need any extra attention.

Tash was giving me her patented side eye. "Don't want to talk about it?"

“It’s not like it matters.  It’s just bullshit from the past.  Doesn't affect the present or the future.  It is what it is.”

She nodded in agreement. 

I changed the subject back to the important topic of the day.  “How the hell did this bomb fall into VIRGOs hands, anyway?” 

“They think it was one of Stark’s that went in to Afghanistan and was smuggled out from there.”

“Fucking Stark!  I should have known.  That asshole needs to do a better job keeping track of his shit,” I start to ramble.  “I fucking hate that bag of dicks.  He always thinks he’s the smartest fucker in the room.”

“He is always the smartest guy in the room-”           

“Not when I’m in the room!”

Tash threw her head back in laughter.  “Oh my god, this is a dick swinging contest!”

“There is no fucking way he has a bigger dick than me,” I sulk.

“You were in the inside at Stark Industries a few years back weren’t you?” she asked.

“Well, why do you think I hate him so much?  Condescending asshat.”  I’d been sent in to gather intel after attempts at ‘pretty please, share your technology with us' had failed. That’s how I’d managed to snag a lot of the tech for M.A.P. and also how I‘d managed to acquire my hidden offshore nest egg.  I’d planted a virus while I was there that was skimming cash off for me and no one even knew it existed.  That helped me lose even more faith in humanity and all respect for Stark.

 “I’m not a huge fan either but he’s not that bad.”

 “Sure he’s not." Cue eye roll.  "Is that why you brought me along?  This is tech I’ll recognize?”

“It’s a TL-189,” she said. I nodded my recognition.

“I'm familiar with those. It's a pretty standard bunker buster.  Worst it will do is take out a block or two.  So what?"

“There’s more."

“Of course there’s more,” I sighed.

“Dr. Brandt from ETHZ went missing several weeks ago.  Have you heard of him?’

“Obviously.”  My eyes narrowed, comprehension beginning to dawn.  I folded my arms around myself, not looking forward to the rest.

“We have intel that places him with VIRGO.  We have reason to believe that they brought him in forcibly to retrofit the bomb-“

“With Gamma,” I finish.  “Fuck.  I see why you didn’t tell me that before we left.  I wouldn’t have come.”

“I know,” she said.  “I’m sorry.”

I cringe internally at the memory of abject failure number one.  The Period of Time That Shall Not Be Named.  “It’s fine.  It makes sense that they’d want me on this.  I have intimate knowledge of all the pieces of this puzzle.  So we need to find Brandt as well, or do they believe he’s in another location? Or, you know, not in any location?”

“There’s no additional intel.  We’re hoping to get more information from Ovechkin.” 

“And here I just thought you liked my company!” 

“I do like your company.  You’re interesting to work with.”

I laughed, “Yeah.  Like the time you brought me along so we could pose as prostitutes to infiltrate the stronghold of that dictator!  I actually thought we were going to have to perform a sex show for that guy!”

“Well we would have if I hadn’t shot him,” she smiled. 

“Shooting him was the best possible plan.  He wanted in on it and he was gross.”

“But we weren’t supposed to shoot him.”

I shrugged.  “It worked out, didn't it?"

The pilot called out our landing plans.  Final checks were made and our descent began.  


We made our way silently through the forest surrounding the compound.  The storm drain on the back side was our best access point.  I could see the tiny cameras perched on the corners of the cinderblock bunker.  “I’ve got the cameras,” I whispered into my communicator.  Tasha nodded ahead of me.  Not bothering to attempt to hack their system, I reached into them from below and pushed the footage back an hour.  This is the easiest way to deal with a video feed.  If they just shut off, it’s suspicious.  “Go,” I whisper again.

We entered the storm drain and slogged through a few inches of rancid water.  The boots were water resistant too.  Score one more for S.H.I.E.L.D.  We entered the compound proper on the lowest level.  It was desolate.  No guards.  Obviously an unused area.  Tash nodded to me, pointing to the left, and I nodded back as she headed up a stairwell and I turned to the right, searching for the proper corridor to the weapons vault.  I had the map memorized from my earlier virtual exploration.

After about a fifteen minute journey through the labyrinth, I spotted a door with a lone gun toting guard.  I decided to use a little trick I’d been practicing.  I hid beside the wall and pushed my intention out and down the hall.  I felt myself enter his brain and I induced a surge in his electrical discharges, causing a pretty hefty seizure.  He fell to the ground. 

I only managed to be pleased for a second before my left arm was twisted up behind me and I was pressed hard into the wall.  I had concentrated too hard on my parlor trick and hadn’t heard the other man come up behind me.  As he pushed me further into the wall, he spat expletives into my ear.  My Russian isn’t that good but I excel in cursing in many languages.  I was fairly certain I’d caught “bitch”, “fuck”, and “ass” so I wasn’t going to take any chances.  I grabbed for the knife hilt at the small of my back as I brought my forehead as far forward as I could then threw my head back in a quick hard jerk.  There was a satisfying crunch as my skull broke his nose.

He staggered back, but grabbed on to my ponytail, yanking my head back as I swung my left hand around, embedding the knife in his left shoulder.  He had my hair with his right hand and held tight.  My head was wrenched farther back I brought the heel of my right hand up into his injured nose.  He let go to bring both hands in to protect his face.  I thrust my knee into his crotch then elbow to the back of his neck as he doubled over.  As he fell to the ground, I took my boot and curb stomped his skull four, five times, until he stopped moving.  He obviously wasn’t expecting that much of a fight.  He fell too easily.

I let out a deep breath and leaned against the wall, happy that my training was able to take over in a situation like that.  But I was unused to it.  As the adrenaline ebbed, I started to shake.  I had to tamp down the rising panic and finish the job.  I leaned over and pulled my knife from the man’s shoulder and cleaned the blood off on his shirt before replacing it in its holder. 

Continuing to breathe deeply, I walked down the hallway to the door.  I stepped over the body of the Post-ictal first man  to the door's electronic lock, easy to override.  I was inside in a moment. 

The room was filled with weaponry, AK-47s, M16s, and other assorted assault rifles lined the walls along with the occasional rocket launcher and, was that a flame thrower in the corner?  Huh, I'd always kind of wanted a flame thrower.  In the back of the room was a table containing a lone object.  It was definitely a TL-189 but it had obviously been tampered with.  The once bright metal was scuffed and scratched.  The seams were not as smooth as they should have appeared.  I walked over and picked it up.  It was so small.  16 inches long and about half as wide, but it held a fair amount of destructive power even before the tampering had turned it into a WMD. 

I reached in with my mind, knowing exactly how the internal mechanisms should be placed but it was wrong. The internal alterations made it unrecognizable.  I needed to open it up.  I began to gingerly pry at the seam with a small knife.  A sudden beeping and flashing began in the center of the device.  I spoke into the comm. “Um, babe?  Is there a problem?"

“Maybe?” came the reply, couched in grunts and crashes.  “Everyone is heading for the exits.  I think Ovechkin may have activated the device.  He’s incapacitated now.  I’m looking for the remote.”

“Good.  Because it’s definitely active and I’m having some trouble getting into it.”  More deep breaths.  Panic not allowed.  I turned it over and over in my hands, looking for a place I could get into.  There.  I found a gap at the edge of the capsule and inserted the blade again, finally managing to pry it open.   Inside was a jumbled mess of wires and canisters. 

I heard noises outside.  Was Post-ictal coming around?  I pulled out my pistol as the door exploded open revealing not Post-ictal but Oops-I-stomped-your-face.  No time for finesse, I squeezed off three rounds and he fell again.

Returning to my task, now I could see what needed to be done. Once visualized it was easy to shut it down. “Got it. We’re good. Call in the clean up if you’re done making a mess upstairs.” I disconnected the canister and all the wiring that could potentially make it live, enjoying the blissful quiet that meant I probably would not be dying that day.

 

“See I told you it would be fun,” Natasha grinned as we re-boarded the transport back.  I handed over the separated remains of the bomb.

"I think you might have a twisted idea of fun,” I replied, falling heavily onto the seat. "Do you ever think about leaving this all behind?  Maybe going for the two and a half kids, picket fence kind of thing?"

"You mean like, having a normal life?" 

"I don't know. Something like that."

"No, never.”  She glared at me through narrowed eyes.  I knew she was thinking that nothing close to those kinds of thoughts had emerged from me in a long while.  “You?"

"Not really but, fuck...I don’t know.  I'm just tired," I sighed.

Natasha nodded then looked confused.  "Is...is that a flame thrower strapped to your back?"

"Damn straight," I replied as I pulled it off and set it next to me.  "You made me play with gamma today.  I deserve some spoils for risking the grrr smashy, smashy or, you know, complete disintegration."  My stomach roiled with nausea even as I made the joke.  Too close.  Too much.  Those memories were not allowed to surface.

Exhausted, I sink back into the seat, soon slipping into a fitful sleep.  --  All around desolation, destruction, fires raging unchecked in what were once buildings.  Bodies, charred and hacked, lay strewn around a never-ending battlefield.  No life noted anywhere in the wasteland, not human, not alien.  An end to everything.  This is the worst I’ve ever seen. --  As I came to with a gasp, I knew instantly, this is what happens if I ignore the rest of the premonitions.  Everything else was telling me I needed to find and protect Loki.  What choice is there?  All the signs point to it.  He was the key.  He had to be protected.  Damn it all. 

**********

Several months passed with no new missions presenting themselves.  I had been back at my home base, New York HQ.  I worked in the lab there when they had nothing better for me to do.  It was nice to spend some time at home.  I had a little house in a quiet neighborhood just over the bridge in New Jersey.  Very unassuming.  Nearly invisible.  Perfect.

In the evenings I made preparations.  I had several separate identities living virtual lives just waiting to be used.  Cassie Jones, barista in Virginia Beach.  Jennifer Dixon, Buffalo fitness instructor.  Particular attention was being paid to Abigail Warner, bookseller in New York.  She had recently acquired a partner in crime.  I'd never previously considered that when I needed to go off grid I might not be alone.  My preparations now included that possibility.

My dreams had been catalogued and cross referenced to make some semblance of sense.  I thought I knew the basics of what needed to happen but there were gaping holes, like how do I manage to get a hold of this asshole and what do I do with him once I've got him?

M.A.P. beeped across the room and I pulled up the holograph as I walked over.  The communique held a new mission.  The one I'd been waiting for.  Report to Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. in the morning to join a team headed by Erik Selvig to study an alien artifact.  The blue cube I'd seen in my dreams. 


	3. Mission:  Leave the Past Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brynja is reunited with someone from her past that she'd prefer not to see.

Three months.

Three fucking months spent in that godforsaken underground bunker studying that cube, staring it, measuring the radiation, concocting useless experiments, day in, day out. Waiting. It had nearly driven me insane. I spent the hours dwelling on the fact that my hitherto increasingly disturbing dreams had completely dried up the second I’d arrived. I spent an equal number of hours growing to resent the people that had forced me into this. I was pretty far over S.H.I.E.L.D. at that point. What I wouldn’t have given for a field assignment right then. Or a quick death. It didn’t even have to be painless at that point.

“Clint!” I yelled up to the hawk’s perch. He looked down on me. “Clint, shoot me! Please?” He smiled, just barely, and shook his head. It was worth a shot.

I climbed up the little metal ladder and plopped down in the nest he'd chosen for himself. “This is awful. I don't understand why you won't just put me out of my misery.”

“For one, I don't wanna face the wrath of Nat. She'd kill me right back. For two, I thought maybe we could go out after closing time. I hear there's a strip club down the street with an amateur night tonight.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Oooh!” I grinned ear to ear. “Are you going to dance for me?”

“No! I thought you could do the dancing.”

I shook my head. “No can do. It's amateur night. I'm a professional.”

Confusion crossed his face for a second. “Wait. What?”

“Yeah, I danced my way through college.” I'd used this joke before. Surely he was in on it already. "My stage name was Candy LaMotte.” I stood and grabbed the railing, giving him my best dip and roll.

“Holy shit. Are you serious?” Clint’s awestruck face was priceless.

“No, you idiot!” I slapped his arm. “Don't you think you'd have known that before now? Jesus, you're so gullible.”

“I know! It's just, that little dance you did was really good. Very convincing.” His sly little grin reappeared. “You need to show me more of what you can do tonight on a stage. I have plenty of singles.”

I rolled my eyes. “Isn't that the kind of shit you get in trouble for? Have you talked to Tash?”

He shrugged and looked morose.

“You two are ridiculous,” I groaned. “You need to get your shit together. What happened now?”

“It's complicated.”

A voice called out from below. “Dr. Omdahl, could you return to the ground level for a moment?”

“Ugh, duty calls.” As I swung my leg casually back over the railing, my skirt rose unprofessionally high up my thigh. I did another wiggle for him, causing his pitchy titter to sound out across the lab.

Erik walked over. “Are there security issues I should be aware of?”

“No, not at all. I just needed a moment.” I scrubbed my palm across my face. “All the nothing happening here is driving me crazy.”

He gave me a paternal pat on the shoulder. “I would have thought once we brought you in we’d have cracked this nut right away.”

I looked to him with an affected smile. “Clearly you had too much faith in my ability to operate alien technology. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’m not sure what you were expecting. Did you think I could telepathically open the damn thing?” I huffed a little laugh. Trust me I’d tried.

Erik laughed as well. “Of course not, but with your background and previous research experience, I thought you might have a few tricks up your sleeve. Director Fury mentioned that you had worked on Project H.A.Z.E. with Dr. Banner some years back. Such a groundbreaking venture. It led to some real breakthroughs. Dr. Banner is sorely missed. A good man, Bruce.”

Expressionless, “Yes, I did work with him. I learned plenty during that time.” Like why you should never let anyone get too close. “Would you look at that? Time to check the measurements again.”

I walked back up to the screen with the spectrometer readings. 25, 25, 25, 25, 27, 26, 25, 25, like always, 27, 36, 75, 306, 842...

I walked closer and saw that the cube had begun to pulsate from within. "Something's happening!" I could barely contain my excitement as the room came to life.

************  
There is a word for what happened that night. That word is clusterfuck. I’m not sure what I had expected but it sure as hell wasn’t what I got. The portal opened. Loki came through. I’d seen it before, in my mind's eye anyway. I knew he’d be a mess. But I was horrified at how bad it truly was. I’ll admit it. I panicked. I didn’t even try to make contact, just tried to be invisible. I just watched him wreak havoc. Didn’t unholster a weapon, for either side. Not my finest moment. This woman here? Not a hero. Proven many times. Made even clearer by the fact that many of the people I work with are. Even if they struggle to make the right decisions, they still make them. I go the wrong way far too often and am haunted by the results. Maybe I’d be better off if I’d availed myself of the psychologists that S.H.I.E.L.D. offers after the shit hits the fan, Tate at the least, but that would have been an admission of failure. I generally just choose to keep failure to myself.

It took a fair amount of convincing to get Fury to let me tag along on the helicarrier, but I’d eventually convinced him that I could work with Banner to trace the signature on the Tesseract. I’d just planned to figure a way out of that once I got there. I didn’t really want to see him, let alone work at his side. Just the thought of him made me queasy, but it was a necessary evil. The mission comes first, even over uncomfortable history.

And that meeting was definitely uncomfortable. We were congregating on the deck of the carrier when he came up to me. “Bryn,” he said with an anxious smile? Grimace? I couldn’t quite tell.

“Dr. Banner,” I replied, holding out a hand in greeting, keeping my face a mask of indifference.

His brow furrowed. “Brynja. Don’t,” he pleaded.

“Don’t what?” I asked, a false pleasantness in my voice. I let my hand drop to my side when he didn’t take it.

He sighed, “We’re working together, I guess. Let’s make it, cordial?”

“It will be.” I say, my smile plastic. “Definitely.”

I heard Natasha’s curse before I saw her moving quickly in our direction, her face that of a woman concerned she was about to have to piss out a fire. “Dr. Banner, let me show you around...”

I turned on my heel and walked toward the entrance to the interior of the ship, as she led him away, wind whipping at my hair and white button-down blouse. I walked in and looked for a hard wall to bang my head on. Yeah, I could have handled that better. He’d tried to be pleasant and I was a total bitch. But it was too hard. Every day the guilt ate at me. I couldn’t help him that night and I had allowed someone I’d cared about be irreparably damaged. It was the purest example of why I wasn’t fit for human company. Again, no hero here. And it wasn’t just guilt. It was the wish that things could have been different, that the hopes and dreams of those two people who no longer existed could have come to fruition. It was regret for an entire life that had died on the vine. I’d managed to tamp those memories down so well that I felt like I was experiencing it again first hand. Shit. I was already an exposed nerve. I really didn’t need this to deal with on top of everything else.

I walked to the on-board lab, threw on a lab coat, smoothed my skirt, and pushed my long windblown hair behind my ears. I began the procedural checks on all the equipment, hoping to have everything up and running and be able to slip out before Banner made it in.

“Are you afraid of me?” I started at the voice behind me. Of course he’d think that’s why I’d been cold. That wasn’t fair.

“No.” I turned to face him. “I’m not.” I gave him a defeated but genuine smile.

“You should be.” He returned my expression.

I sighed. “But I’m not. I never was. Truthfully, you should probably be more afraid of me.” It came across as a joke but it wasn’t, not really. “Seriously though, I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Really? Worse?” Bruce appeared amused and unconvinced.

“Yes!” I laughed. “I went toe to toe with a giant alien mech last year. It shot crazy extraterrestrial fire right out of its face. Never underestimate my ability to crawl between the legs of a foe and run away to safety.”

“I believe in your abilities, all of them.” He smiled but quickly grew serious again. “I’ve missed you.”

I closed my eyes and blew out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d sucked in and held. “You didn’t have to, you know. Miss me.” I cringed internally, unable to believe that those words had escaped me. It took every ounce of self control I had not to reach out to him, to pull him into me, just to feel his body against mine again.

“Of course I did, Bryn. I couldn’t control it. I still can’t control it, really.” Despite his words, he took a step toward me. “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had hurt you.”

“You did hurt me.” Shit. Shut up, Brynja.

“I’m sorry.” He recoiled, taking two steps back away.

“I know. So am I.” I scrubbed my face with my palms. “Look, I don’t really want to talk about this. We both wish things could have been different, but they couldn’t be. What else is there to say?” I turned away to the screen on my left. Fiddling. Better than feeling.

He was quiet for a long moment before he spoke. “Ok. Just work. Tell me about the Tesseract.”

“Didn’t they already brief you?”

”Well, yes. But I don’t necessarily trust them.”

I wanted to tell him that all of them were more trustworthy than I was but I actually managed to shut it down this time. Instead I explained the experimentation that we’d done and the history that we’d been able to obtain. Once he was satisfied he had all the information he needed, we started the process of calibrating and tracking. It was strange how easy it was to fall into old rhythms, the give and take of the process calming. Easy to forget five years and multiple life altering experiences had passed since our last time in a lab together. The effortlessness of it all lulled me into a feeling of security that was by no means safe. I was losing focus.

I flinched at the beeping that came from bracer on my arm. I had asked Natasha to keep me informed of goings on outside the insulated environment of the laboratory. The message said only, “Hostile found. Intercept take off in 10.”

I called out across the room, “Hey, I’m going to step out for a few.” Bruce nodded but did not look up. Some things never change. I couldn’t help but smile as I grabbed a bag off the floor and headed for a private area to change.

I cut off Tasha as she was heading out to the flight deck. “I kind of hate you for bringing him here.”

She shrugged. “I kind of hate you for letting Barton be kidnapped by a psychopath.”

I nodded. “Even?”

“Even.” She looked me up and down. “You’re choosing to wear that? You’re not under duress?”

“Fieldwork. Catsuit. I’m coming with.”

“Did you clear it with the management?” she asked with a smirk.

“What do you think?” I grinned back at her. “Come on! I need out of that lab!” I gave her my most pleading look. “I can’t do it. I can’t be in there with him.”

“I know,” She understood better than anyone. She’d been there to watch me pick up the shattered remains of my life. “Just, do not get into any trouble.”

“Who me?” I asked with mock innocence as we walked out to the waiting aircraft.


	4. Mission:  Get Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A transport vehicle is headed to Stuttgart to apprehend public enemy no.1. Much to her chagrin, Brynja finds herself interacting with more candidates from the Avengers Initiative.

  
Chapter 4  
Mission: Get Loki

We were settling in on the transport jet as Captain Rogers came aboard. He looked at me, surprised, yet still held out a hand. "Agent Omdahl, I didn't know you were on the extraction team."

I took his proffered hand and gave it a hearty shake. "Yes. They've asked that I obtain some initial readings on that scepter once we subdue the hostile." A quick glance at Tash showed an approving smirk. She's always thought she was the better liar. She's probably right.

"Excellent!" Rogers gave me a broad smile. "It's good to have you aboard."

"Trust me. The pleasure is all mine." I did my best to keep it together when Captain Rogers was around. I didn’t want to lose my chill like Phil always did. But it was tough. I mean, he knew Peggy Carter, co-founder of S.H.I.E.L.D.! It was all I could do to keep from peppering him with questions. I settled back into the seat as we took off. 

Once we arrived in Stuttgart, Cap headed off to perform his suppression of the malfeasance below and we waited. Besides my annoyed groaning at Starks arrival, inside the aircraft was quiet until they brought the prisoner on board. I hung back as they buckled Loki in. He looked different, better than the night he’d come through he portal. More in control of his faculties. Definitely less sweaty. He was slowly and deliberately taking in every inch of the plane and the people in it. Those eyes. That was what had hooked me in from the start. The intelligence, the keen wariness, the pure liquid beauty of them. I watched as they swept over my feet and I had a little flutter of nerves in my chest. Would he recognize me? Would he remember? I’d had constant reminders of his existence in the universe. Our encounter in New Mexico was just a blink in his reality. When his gaze lit on my face, those eyes widened almost imperceptibly in an instant of surprise before settling back into a neutral expression. Maybe he did remember. His eyes stayed on me. Every move from here on out would be about pushing him off balance. Confusion and intrigue, that’s what I was going for. And since the others were focused on him, I took a moment to very obviously look him up and down and mouth ‘nice’. I added a little wink before I turned away.

I picked up the scepter (may as well make good on my lie) turning it over in my hands. I scanned it top to bottom with M.A.P. and was touching the tip when Stark said over my shoulder, “Be careful with that thing.” I set it back in the corner and glared at him without a word. We walked silently to the front of the plane as it was taking off. 

After a few minutes or uneasy quiet, I announced, “Well, I’m gonna go poke the bear.”

Rogers turned and replied, “I thought you were going to check out the scepter.”

“I already did. It’s alien technology, powered by the same energy as the Tesseract.” 

“Can’t your ‘super secret glorified adding machine’ tell you anything else, Omdahl.” Ooh Stark was particularly venomous today. 

“Yes. It said, alien tech, powered by the same energy as the Tesseract.” I said it this time slower with more emphasis.

Rogers was now also looking less than amused. “You’re making jokes. How can you make light of this situation?”

“It’s a defense mechanism. I joke, I snark, I sass. That's how you know I'm having a feeling. It’s my natural reaction to discomfort, and that shithead,” I pointed to Stark, “makes me uncomfortable. Sorry.” I took a deep breath then continued. “The weapon is roughly a meter long made of an extraterrestrial metal that has not previously been encountered. The density of the metal is approximately 0.310 pounds per inch. There are 6 inch wicked sharp blades at the tip, I do not recommend touching them,” I lifted a finger with a small gash on it. “They do not appear to be coated in anything harmful but are made of a different unknown metal. The gem or power source does appear to be made from the same material as the Tesseract but it reacts in different ways, mind control, contained energy blasts. Now, the only test I was not able to perform was an actual firing of the weapon. Would you prefer that I go ahead and execute that experiment, here and now, while we’re flying?” They were silent. “I didn't think so. Alright then. I’m going to poke the bear.”

“Wait,” Rogers held up a hand. “What are you planning to do?”

“Chat him up, get information, obviously.” I did not have time for this nonsense.

“How?” he asked.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll figure that out once I get over there! Maybe…” I looked him dead in the eye with a defiant yet sultry gaze as I reached up to the zipper at my chest and pulled it down a couple of inches. Rogers looked horrified and I heard a gagging sound come from Stark’s direction.

Tasha smirked and shook her head slightly. “Go poke the bear.”

As I sat down next to Loki, he turned to me. “Hey.” I nudged his arm in a friendly manner. “How’s it going?” He stayed conspicuously quiet. “I thought you looked good in a suit but, man, this outfit really does things for you.” He continued to eye me warily. I sighed. “You don’t want to talk?”

“What are you expecting to get out of this?” He finally responded.

“I’m not expecting to ‘get’ anything. I just needed to chat with you a little bit out of earshot of those asshats.” I turned my head to glance at my companions, who were dutifully ignoring us.

“Do they think if they send a woman over to coquet, I’ll just give all of you everything you want?” he sneered.

“Well, _they_ don’t think anything. _They_ don’t matter. This isn't about _them_. This is about you.” I looked over my shoulder again and saw Stark looking my way. “But while we’re on the subject watch this.” I pulled the zipper down another inch and was rewarded with the same gagging sound. I couldn't help but chuckle.

At this point Loki’s face relaxed a little, slightly less guarded. He was also looking at the zipper. “I have to say, I liked the skirt better.”

My eyes lit up and my lips opened in a wide smile. “You do remember! Well, aren't I flattered? So then I hope you’re willing to trust that I have an ulterior motive here. I want to talk about your plan.”

He pulled a mocking smile. “I’m not telling you my plan.”

“Oh, You don’t have to tell me. I already know. It’s a terrible plan.” 

“What?” he scoffed. 

“What you need to consider,” I delicately ran a finger over his thumb, “is forgetting about all of this and just coming with me.” And that’s when my plan went to hell. Lightning, that asshole Stark opening the hatch, the god of thunder flying into the plane.

I stood and yelled, “Thor, don’t!” but I could have been a buzzing fly for all the good it had done.

We flew around the periphery listening to the battle sounds below. Damn it. If I could have gotten down there, I could have used the chaos to my advantage. “We should land and try to help,” I said. 

“We are hopelessly outgunned. We’re staying up here,” Tash replied.

I knew it was a long shot. "Damn it! If only I'd brought the flame thrower." I quipped.

Tash scoffed. "You aren't allowed in populated areas with a flame thrower."

I attempted to look offended. “Number one, it’s not a populated area. Number two, rude. And number three, do you not trust my proficiency with a flamethrower?”

"Sweetheart, I barely trust you with any firearm."

I sighed under my breath, "One time. You hit one friendly, one time, and they never let you live it down."

“Well, it was Agent Hennings.”

“He was fine! It was only a flesh wound!”

“Yeah, but he was pissed,” she chuffed. “He’s probably still pissed.” 

Eventually a stalemate was reached below and we picked up our jettisoned cargo plus the new addition. With Thor on the plane, there was almost no room to move.

Once he saw me, he sauntered over, arms wide. “My friend!”

Grinning, I fell quickly and easily into his waiting hug. “You little shit! If you’d have just listened to me half an hour ago we wouldn't have wasted all this time and energy!”

“You are correct. I should have listened. But truth be told, my focus was such that I did not even see you. How have you been?” Thor asked.

Stark interrupted before I could answer. “Wait, you know this guy?”

Thor boomed, “Of course! Brynja is a valued companion! She’s fought by my side. And we once had an evening of grand merriment! The following morn, she kept pace with me in a foot race across the desert!"

"Well that makes it sound a lot more epic than it was,” I laughed. “We drank all night, then went for a run in the morning. I did teach him how to play pool, though. That was fun."

Thor’s face turned serious. He looked to me intently. “How is Jane?”

I sighed. “She’s pretty pissed. Well, possibly whiney is the better word. Insufferable, maybe? Anyway, I told her that there had to be a good reason you didn't contact her.”

“Of course! The Bifrost was destroyed! I could not return.” Brow furrowed, jaw tight, he was obviously distraught at the idea of Jane being in any sort of emotional pain on his behalf. I placed a comforting hand on his muscular arm.

“While you’re here, you’d better call her!” I chided him as the plane descended to the deck of the helicarrier. “I’ll let you borrow my cell. You can manage that, right?” 


	5. Mission: Don’t Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on the helicarrier, Bryn has to deal with issues in the lab and finally gets to have a private chat with Loki.

We’d returned to the carrier and I’d been sequestered back in the lab for too many hours. I’d watched a bromance bloom between Bruce and Stark. It was completely nauseating. I tried to ignore them and focus on my next step with the Loki situation. It would be much too difficult to smuggle him off the helicarrier and he wasn’t going to come with me willingly. While pondering, my eyes went involuntarily to the newly formed couple across the room. I may have unintentionally emitted a disgusted groan at their grinning forms.

“Problems, Omdahl?” Stark asked in his trademark flippant tone.

“Nope.” I ended the word with a loud pop. “I’m busy actually getting some work done while you two are over there ordering your wedding cake.” Bruce gave me his head tilted, scrunchy browed ‘what’s going on?’ look over his glasses. He glanced back and forth between us for a few seconds as the realization dawned that he was in a room with a couple of people who were none too fond of one another.

“I’m sure the twelve bytes of data you’ve collected will be very useful. Did you get any good information from Loki while you were shoving your hand down his pants?” We were moving ever closer to each other in the center of the room.

I looked at Bruce’s shocked and confused face. “I did not put my hands down his pants. Why am I explaining myself to you?” I turned back to Stark. “Fuck you. You know damn well I’d have gotten everything we needed if his brother hadn’t shown up and you guys hadn’t decided to take a field trip. How did that work out for you?”

“We got him here didn’t we?”

“Sure, in the least practical, most absurd way!” I spat.

“What is your problem today, Omdahl? You seem even bitchier than usual. Is it your time-”

“Stark, I swear to god if you finish that sentence I will cut you.”

“I guess that’s a yes then.” 

I lunged at his throat, hands fashioned into claws but they never made it around his neck. Bruce had grabbed me around the waist and pivoted me away. He pressed his lips to my ear and murmured, “Maybe you need to take a break?” I melted back into his grasp as I nodded, relaxing into his calm control.

“Yeah that sounds like a good idea.” More reluctantly than I’d like to admit, I disentangled myself from Bruce’s arms and made my way out of the laboratory, down the hall and into the little kitchen. This was actually a good excuse to attempt a visit with my favorite miscreant. I started to gather some supplies-an unattractive looking turkey sandwich, bottle of water, an apple. When I heard someone enter behind me, I set them all to the side and turned around.

Bruce had kept his quizzical expression. “What is the story with you and Stark?”

“He’s an asshole.”

“Why do you think that?” he asked. “I like him.”

I rolled my eyes and huffed. “You would.”

He smiled and walked towards me. “He kind of reminds me of you.”

“Well that’s a shitty thing to say.” He was uncomfortably close now.

“I didn't want to let go of you back there,” he spoke softly. Before I could fully discern the situation, he was pressed against me and those soft familiar lips were on mine. I found my hands unconsciously reaching behind his head, gripping his hair, pulling him into me as his arm snaked back around my waist, bringing me in even closer. A few moments of mutual exploration led to the tipping point of stop now or take it to its logical conclusion. 

I had to pull away. “Have you changed your mind? Is there any chance of this going anywhere?” I asked, hopeful but knowing I should not be.

He closed his liquid eyes and tipped his head to the floor. “I’m so sorry.”

“Get out.”

He nodded and retreated without another word and I shoved all the hope and the affection and the yearning back down into the fettered box where it belonged, incredulous that I’d managed to let it slip open in the first place. I would not let this long past bullshit interfere with the current objective. I couldn't.

I stood and stared at the blank wall for a few moments, shaken, angry, lost. Almost of it's own volition, my fist shot out into the wall. "Ow! Fuck!" My head dropped into my hands. What the hell was going on? Had I already managed to completely blunder this whole op? I'd already lost Clint. What if he wasn't okay? And what the hell had just happened in this room? No. I was not going to lose control of this. Just get it done. I grabbed the food I’d collected and left the canteen.

 

It seemed that interest in staring at a man in a cage had waned. There was just one guard at a monitor now and he seemed to be playing some kind of game on his phone. S.H.I.E.L.D. was depressingly negligent in their door security because of the belief that their technology was impossible to override. So no guard at the door. I jammed the vid feed with my standard one hour past loop, easily superseded the door lock (I changed the code on the way in as an added precaution) and slipped inside. No guard inside the door either.

Loki was sitting on the only bench provided in the round cage looking epically bored. He looked up as I walked toward him, plate in hand. He quirked an eyebrow, “You again?”

“Me again.” I walked up to the door and slid it open then closed it behind me. All of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s tech was ridiculously easy to get into if you had a hand in creating the building blocks. And also, if you’re me.

“You’re back in the skirt. Was that for me?” he asked with a mocking air.

“Uh, no. It was for work. Look, you’ve been in here a while and I know they haven’t fed you. I’ve seen your brother eat so, I figured, if you’re anything like him, you’re pretty hungry right now.” I walked to the bench and set the sandwich down next to him then pulled the water bottle from my lab coat pocket.

“I’m nothing like him,” he sneered at me as he stood. He seemed to be trying to unbalance me with his lithe, menacing grace. It worked, but not in the way I suppose he was going for.

“Yeah, well, I know you’re not. I can smell the difference.” Thor was musky, like a dusty boar on a good day. “Still, a guy’s gotta eat, right?” I backed up a little. Being too close to him was a bad idea. I was still unsteady from my encounter with Bruce. I wasn’t sure my head was on straight and this guy really did smell too good to be safely near. Spicy, ambrosial, which was kind of a feat for a greasy alien. Especially given what I considered normal for Asgardian scent.

“So they’re trying this again?” He shook his head. He took a step toward me. I’d forgotten how tall he was.

“Trying what?” I turned away, attempting a nonchalant stroll around the cell. I remembered too well the dream that foreshadowed this meeting. I could not afford to let him too close to me. Too many months of celibacy plus all the feelings dredged up in the last few days were a bad combo. And I couldn’t allow myself to ride this man like a stallion in the middle of a glass cage. Could I? Maybe? No. No. No, I could not.

His cold smile was the picture of contempt. “Send in the beautiful woman, pretending at concern, to try to gain information.”

“Ha!” I barked a decidedly unladylike laugh. “We went over this before! No one sent me! No one even knows that I’m here!”

“That’s not possible. They are watching me at all times. That has been made very clear.” He gestured towards the visible cameras.

“Oh they’re still watching. They just happen to be watching a feed from an hour ago. I’m just here to provide you sustenance and maybe chat a little.”

“So you say we are invisible to everyone.” Loki stood in the middle of the cage, eyes narrowed, searching me. “How do you know I won’t hurt you?”

I sighed. Here we go. “You couldn’t even if you wanted to. And you don’t want to.” In an instant, he had me pushed into the glass, his body pressing into me, giving me a domineering smile. And all I could think about was pushing myself up onto my toes and running my tongue up along the planes of his straining neck. Shit. I had to get him off of me before I really did stick my hand down his pants. I bit my lip in concentration and used all of my telekinetic ability to push him back and off of me. I overcame the urge to step close to him, knowing that would end with his body laid over mine. I kept myself pressed against the glass as hard as I could.

“You are afraid,” he stated as he got back to his feet.

I took a deep breath. “Oh, love, no. Quite the opposite. I need you to keep your distance so you can keep your pants on. We don’t have time for the things I want to do to you.”

That elicited a chuckle and his smile finally reached his eyes. “That was an impressive little trick. How did you mange that?”

“Oh, I have lots of tricks,” I replied, “I’d love to show you more. But for now,” I reached out with my mind to the plate and it came to me as bidden. “Eat.” I placed the sandwich in his hands. “I apologize for the terrible food on this boat. But it will fill you up. We can chat during.”

He took a bite of the bland turkey and white bread, chewing slowly. I held my hand out and the water bottle landed in it. “Tell me about these abilities of yours,” he insisted. “To my knowledge, this is not something humans can normally do.”

“Oh no,” I admit, “definitely not. That’s why I keep it hidden. If people knew, I’d either be shunned or given WAY more work to do. Neither of those things is appealing to me.”

"So why show me?"

"Because I can." I unscrewed the top of the bottle and handed it to him. He took a long drink before handing it back. “There’s no reason not to. You’ve already seen some of it, presumably, through the eyes of the Destroyer in New Mexico. So why hide it now?”

"And if I let slip your secrets?" He exchanged the empty plate for the water bottle.

I grabbed it and handed him the apple from my other pocket as well. “Honey, no offense, but everyone thinks you’re fifty shades of batshit. So I’m really not worried about that. What I am worried about is how I’m going to convince you to forget about this ridiculous Tesseract business.”

“You can’t. I must finish what I’ve started.” He had his poker face on. I’ll admit it was a good poker face, just slightly too still, too blank. His animation was gone. He wasn’t going to tell me any more.

“Okay, that’s fair. But what about afterwards? When you’re finished subjugating the earthlings. Can I have you then?”

“Possibly.”

“Alright, I’ll take it.” I held my hand out for the empty water bottle, replaced the cap, and dropped it back into my coat pocket. I wondered if the saliva on the top of the bottle could be useful in some way.

“Or you could come with me once I leave this place.” 

That took me by surprise. I’d definitely be able get closer to him that way. But it would tip my hand to S.H.I.E.L.D. that I was a teeny bit of a traitor and I was trying not to do that. Also it appeared that he thought he was going to be able to stroll right off the ship. There was definitely a plan there. If I’d cared, I may have probed further. As it was, it appeared to be in my best interest to let him go for now to do whatever he planned to do, then swoop in at the end.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I decided.

“Once the scepter is returned to me, I could take that choice from you.” His countenance had an almost playful air. I couldn’t tell if he was toying with me or sincerely enjoyed the idea of taking my will. Maybe a little of both.

“That’s a truly bad idea for multiple reasons. For starters, I wouldn’t let you do it. No mind control allowed.”

“You are assuming you could stop me.” He continued to bite chunks out of the apple as we discussed my unwilling submission.

I waved my hand as if I was swatting away a pesky fly. “Yes, I could stop you. Also it would thoroughly piss me off. And you don’t want to do that.”

“Fine. I concede this point at the moment.” He mimicked my gesture. “Now, what do you want with me?”

“I have a task that needs doing and I hear you are the man for the job. It’s a big one, cosmic proportions. There are perks that come with the position that I promise you’ll enjoy. However, we’ll have to discuss it later because I’ve been in here too long and someone else is going to try to get through that door soon. But think about it.” I held out my hand and the apple core was placed in my palm. “I’ll be in touch.”

I left the room and deposited the trash in a waiting bin, passing Tasha in the hall moving in the direction from whence I had come. I upon reaching the lab with the scepter, I noted the raised voices of Rogers and Stark and moved on. I turned into the chemistry lab that was mostly empty except for a pair of scientists huddled in the corner lost in their own conversation. Pulling out the bottle I began to run some tests on the saliva and piece together a plan.


	6. Mission:  Neutralize

When you’re working on a project in the cocoon of the lab, it’s easy to get lost inside yourself. It’s like being inside a womb: quiet, peaceful. Your intent focused on a subject, the solving of one particular problem. You and your womb-mates become very close over a short span of time. My young scientist friends had been very helpful over the previous hours. A smart pair, they had obviously done well at the Academy and had bright futures ahead of them. I told myself I’d have to remember their names for future reference (what were their names again?) Our arduous but rapid progress on the serum made it possible to block out all existence outside those four walls. That’s probably how we missed all the drama of an attack and prison break. Well, to be completely honest, I knew all hell was breaking loose, but no one called for backup so I finished my research instead of offering help. I didn't know if I’d need the neutralizer injection for certain, but I had a sneaking suspicion it would be useful.

When I left the laboratory to find the director and tell him of the developments made in the last few hours, I was shocked by the amount of damage that had been done. I walked onto the bridge of the ship and all eyes turned in my direction.

“Where the hell have you been?” Fury’s name had never seemed more appropriate.

“I was in the lab,” I declared, hackles raised.

“The hell you were! We were all in there right before the shit hit the fan.”

I scoffed. “The chem lab. You guys always forget that one of my PhDs is in Biochemistry.” My admonishment fell flat. The situation was clearly worse than I'd thought.

Tasha spoke up from behind me. “We've lost a few members of the team, Bryn.”

I looked around noticing the key absences for the first time. “What do you mean ‘lost’?”

“Coulson is dead,” Fury announced, “Thor and Banner were jettisoned from the aircraft. Why weren't you here?”

“Shit.” I curled my fists into my hair and shook my head rapidly, to clear the scene from my brain. I didn't work. “I was working on a project to hopefully fix this. I had no idea. No one called for backup. And what the hell kind of backup would I be anyway? I’m not you!” I threw my hands out at the remaining heroes assembled before me. “I can’t do any of the things you people can do. This is not my fucking fault!” Without any thought at all I turned and stalked off down the corridor. 

A few moments later, someone came up behind me. “Hey.” It was the last voice I expected and the last one I wanted to hear.

“What do you want, Stark.” 

“You know, I’m sure he’s fine. They tell me he was all hulked out when he fell.”

I didn't turn. “When he fell from 30,000 feet? Yeah. Sounds like a picnic.” When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I spun away and faced him. “What the f…” I put my hands up in a defensive gesture. “Don’t touch me.”

“Okay.” He mimicked the action, hands raised, but his were of the more passive I mean you no harm variety. 

I sighed in resignation. “Why are you here?”

“I just wanted to tell you, he’s probably fine.”

I narrowed my eyes and looked at him sideways. “What makes you think I would care?”

“Well for one, you call him Bruce. Don’t think I don’t notice stuff like that. And for two, he told me about you guys.”

I looked to the ceiling and groaned. “Of course he did. Look, that was a long time ago. There is nothing left there.”

“You sure about that?” he asked with a severely cocked brow.

“Yes. Trust, we had it out this afternoon. There is no future with that.” A mirthless little laugh escaped me. “He thinks you and I should get along better because we’re ‘like-minded’.” I put little air quotes around the word.

Stark smirked a little bit. “He said the same to me.”

I let out a heavy breath as I walked away. “Do me a favor? If you find him, just…take care of him, okay?”

*******

 

Join S.H.I.E.L.D., they said. See exotic places, they said. Do interesting things, they said. Maybe save the world, they said! Well, I supposed all of this was as advertised. Fighting aliens in the streets of NYC was definitely on the list of Interesting Things You Get To Do Working With S.H.I.E.L.D. It took a while before I was able to break off from the pack. My goal was to get to Stark Tower as quickly as possible. I’d leave the heroics to the people who could actually manage that sort of thing. It felt like it took all day, slogging through the ruined streets to get there. I’d eschewed my usual 9mms for a Chitauri stave I’d managed to wrest away from one of the foot soldiers. Tactically it was a better option. A close to mid-range shot to the chest took them out pretty easily. 

Not that it was a cakewalk, mind. Like I said it took forever (even with M.A.P’s amazing GPS system helping me avoid roadblocks) and by the time I entered the tower on the lowest level, I was more than a little banged up. I took the luckily still working elevator up to the mezzanine level and entered the large room to find a mischief-god-filled crater at its center.

“Hey, babe,” I smiled, “looks like you've had a rough day.” 

Loki’s response was only an eye shift in my direction. 

I staggered over and knelt down next to him. “Can you get up?” 

The slightest of head movements indicated a negative. 

“I really need you to get up. We don’t have much time. We need to get out of here. They’ll be coming for you.” I heard movement coming from outside the doors. “Now, really, we need to go.”

“I can’t,” he croaked. 

I blew out an exasperated sigh. “Fine, plan N it is.” 

I clambered out onto the balcony and swung down to the lower ledge, reentering the building on the floor below. I took the stairs this time, listening for voices in the room ahead. When I was satisfied no one else was coming, I signaled the ground troops that we were in place for the official plan to be ready with a push of a button.

As I strode into the room, all eyes turned to me. Loki had finally managed an upright position. Stark’s voice called, “That one?” and the seated man answered with a nod. Stark continued skeptically, “He says you were just here, Omdahl. What’s that about?”

I gave Loki a look that I hoped conveyed _What the fuck dude? I thought we were friends!_ and replied, “Who? Coo coo for Cocoa Puffs over there? Yeah, that’s a reliable source. Uh, no, I just got here. The traffic on 45th was a real bitch.” I walked around Loki’s seated form, ending up directly behind him. “Thor, Cap, can I get a lift?” The two buff men came to stand one on each side of the incapacitated Asgardian. At my signal, each grabbed an arm and lifted him to his feet. I pushed the long heavy coat to the side and Thor grabbed it instinctively to aid in my visual acuity. I yanked down the leather breeches exposing one truly perfect buttock. An unintentional “Damn, that’s a fine ass,” may have escaped me.

Loki’s head turned to smirk at the comment but his face changed immediately to horror as he saw the syringe poised to enter his flesh. Moments later, the serum administered, he sagged into the arms of the other two men, unconscious.

I pressed the button again to signal the troops to come retrieve their quarry and remand him to the awaiting facility just outside the city. The prisoner was removed posthaste and the atmosphere in the room lightened considerably.

“Are you coming with us for shawarma?” Tasha drawled.

I rounded on her. “Hell no! This has been a really fucked up day, Tash! I just want to go to my house and have a shower and sleep for 19 hours! Shawarma!?!” I gave them all a horrified look and shook my head while walking towards the door, stopping only for a moment to give the big green guy a pat on the arm and a rueful smile. 

I had to get moving. My night was far from over.

I decided to hitch a ride back to HQ with one of the returning teams, explaining that my car was parked in the underground. 

Jumping into the first vehicle with an open seat, I was horrified to hear a familiar voice as soon as I slammed the door shut. "Well, well, well. Of all the Humvees, in all the world-"

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I scrubbed my face with my palms.

"Hey, Sugar, you got into my transport."

"Trust me, if I'd known you were in it, I'd have walked. I don’t care how exhausted I am."

John Billups chuckled, shaking his head. “Look at you. All dressed for action.”

“Yeah. I managed a lot of that today. Meanwhile, I didn’t see you doing anything useful.”

“I'm sorry," he rubbed at the banged up shoulder bruising rapidly under his black A-shirt. "I didn’t manage to somehow fuck my way in with the big shots, so I was stuck on the ground doing the grunt work.”

"Are you suggesting that I have a physical relationship with the Director? Because that's gross. He's like a really nice uncle to me." That might have been a bit of an overstatement. "Besides, wouldn't the benefits of that be to not see any action? Do you think I wanted to be on the front lines?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Then you’re even dumber than you look.” I turned to the driver, “Are we there yet? Because I can’t deal with any more shit today.” Angling back towards Billups I spat, “You should be grateful that your ass managed to make it through this today. A lot of people didn’t. Now, I know it's hard for you, but do you think you can keep your mouth shut for the rest of this trip?”

"No I cannot! I've saved your ass plenty of times. It really pisses me off that you don't have more respect for me."

"I don't respect anyone who can't bring home their team intact." The stress of the day had brought all my past traumas to the surface again it would seem. All the things I didn't want to think about and managed pretty successfully not to most days. 

"You already know what happened in Adak," he growled at me through clenched jaws. "You read all the files and grilled everyone on my team. It was an accident. You know that."

I didn't answer. I just gritted my teeth and bit back every retort that bubbled up. I still had my suspicions about that op. I didn't want to think or talk about that today. We sat in silence until the vehicle breached the compound through the underground tunnels.


	7. Mission:  Coalescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look! Finally some sexy times!

Once back at HQ, I went to my little cubbyhole of an office to grab a change of clothes before heading to the showers. I obviously hadn't replenished my wardrobe here in a long time. I was hoping for casual: jeans, tee shirt, summery dress even. But no, the only outfit hanging in my tiny closet was the tight navy pencil skirt that forced my hips into too much of a wiggle, the white button down with the deep vee neck, and the definitely non-sensible blue snake Weitzman Power Pumps. In other words, my "Hey guys! I need funding for this thing you all deem useless" outfit. I was really hoping for comfortable, but it was fine. Besides, Loki had joked that he preferred a skirt. Might as well give it to him.

Showered and ready, I identified the cell on the lower level where Loki was being held. I made my way down the bare clinical corridors, the clack of my heels too loud in my ears. I extinguished cameras as I passed them just for flickering seconds, until I stood before the door I needed. That camera I put on the loop.

The door guard was an exhausted looking young man. At least they'd given him a chair. That made me feel a little better about what I was about to do.

I stopped to make small talk. "Guard duty, huh?"

He nodded politely and smiled in a tight cursory way. "Yes, ma'am."

"Ugh, that's the worst!” I gave him an apologetic grimace. “How long are you stuck here? You look exhausted."

A real smile this time, "Til 8 am. I'm fine. It’ll be boring most likely. Better than all the action we had earlier today."

I returned his grin and held out a hand for a shake. "Thank you for everything you do."

"Anyti-" his response cut off as he went stiff then slumped in the chair. I was really hoping the proximity this time helped my deliver the right amount of jolt for the seizure. I didn't want to hurt this man permanently and the last time I tried this from a distance, it hadn’t exactly gone well.

I slipped easily through the electronic door, changing the pass code as I went to Level 10 access only. I hoped that would slow them down a little.

In the center of the expansive sterile room was a large circular object with a prisoner hanging from it, wrists shackled in heavy cuffs up and to the side. 

Loki 's head hung down, still out? 

I called his name. A little stir but he didn't look up.

I moved closer, up the few steps to what I’d swear was a damn Stargate if I didn’t know better. That’s what you get when you put nerds in charge of R&D. Did it have a purpose other than to look cool? Was it inhibiting his abilities?

"Loki!"

His head snapped up. His eyes began to focus. When he recognized my features he snarled and jumped forward, straining against his bonds.

“Whoa, man!” I put my hands up in a gesture of submission. “I come in peace.”

“You,” he growled. “You’ve done this to me!”

“Well, yes. That’s true in the strictest sense. It gave you time to recover since I couldn’t get you out of that room before the cavalry showed up. Now, why don’t we get out of here.”

“Why would I go with you?” he sneered. “Don’t you understand? In the morning, they’ll remand me back to Asgard. This is exactly what I'd wanted.”

“Oh no, I understand that. I think it’s asinine, but I get that it was the plan.”

“You have a better idea?”

“Again, yes. Yes I do. My understanding is that you can realm hop without the use of the Bifrost.” I looked at him expectantly.

“If I am aware of a breach, yes.”

“And you don’t know of any on Midgard?”

“I’ve not spent much time on Midgard, so my knowledge is sparse,” he replied in a condescending tone.

“How did you get to New Mexico? What about Tonsberg? There have to be plenty. Think!"

“It’s somewhat more difficult than you seem to imagine.”

“And difficult is less preferable to incarcerated? Jesus, you know what, nevermind.” I threw up my arms in exasperation. “This is senseless. I’m out.” I turned to go.

“Wait. I’m intrigued.”

I grinned to myself, slowly turning back.

"I thought you needed me," he brooded.

"Not enough to deal with your cryptic bullshit. I'll figure it out on my own. I always do."

“No. You need me and you’re willing to give me freedom in exchange…”

“Freedom and pretty much anything else you might like.” I gave him a smirk and an arched brow.

“Then release me,” he insisted, voice husky. 

“And you’ll come with me?”

“For now.”

“Ok then." 

I moved back up the platform to stand before him, closer than I needed to. Closer than I should have. Again the scent of him struck me. Leather and spice and a certain citrusy quality. All this from a man who had been through so much these last few days. I idly wondered what he smelled like freshly showered. 

I could have, should have, released the wrist cuffs from across the room but I needed to be close to him, to run my hands up over his arms, to press myself into him as I reached up to release his bonds. 

He peered down at me and his lips parted. My mouth went to his of it's own volition, my lips and tongue exploring the cavern of him. He tasted just as his scent had hinted. Even in his constrained position, he attempted control. He captured my tongue between his teeth, drew it in as far as he was able. What the hell was I doing? 

I pulled away, breathless. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't force myself on you when you can't defend yourself.” I drew in an expansive draft of air then let it go. “But I've been thinking about doing that for over a year."

He displayed a self-satisfied smile. "Then why did you wait so long?"

"We weren't exactly free to-"

"I'm somewhat less than free now as well." He shook his wrists in the manacles.

"Oh, sorry. Let me fix that." With a clink, his arms were free.

And in less than a second, he’d pushed me off the platform and had me pressed against the wall. His lips were frantic on mine, hands searching in vain for a way up into my too tight skirt.

Pushing him back by the shoulders, I demanded, "We have to get out of here now."

"Not yet." He pressed his hips into me, showing me how insistent he was to stay right where we were.

I groaned in frustration, "I promise you, when we get somewhere safe, you can have me any way you like, but right now, much as I want to throw you on the ground and ride you into the sunset, we have to go."

He growled, "I do not have much patience."

"Well can you," I wiggled my hands around then threw my arms wide, "poof? Like magically?"

His brow knitted in irritation. "No."

"Had to ask. But you can change your appearance?"

"Yes."

"Good. Do that. Go for official S.H.I.E.L.D. Black suit, shiny shoes, any face."

"That I can do." An entirely new person shimmered into existence, complete with blond slicked back hair, the standard ensemble, and a S.H.I.E.L.D. badge.

“Strong work,” I admired. “Follow me and do as I say, please?”

I received an exasperated sigh in answer and we moved out into the corridor.

I pointed down the hall. “Start heading that direction. Stop once you’ve rounded the corner.”

I turned to the unconscious guard, grabbing his hand again. “Hey, buddy. You OK?”

After a few moments he shook his head vigorously and looked around.

“Are you alright?” I asked, leaning down close. “I think you just about passed out there. Do you want me to get help?”

“No. No ma’am. I’m fine. Just tired, I guess?” 

“Maybe it’s time for that snack you’ve got hidden in your bag under the chair.” I smiled at him. “Take care of yourself!”

I walked away, sparing another glance over my shoulder for the man. He seemed OK. I’d counted on that stoicism to keep him going through his shift.

As I rounded the corner, Agent Loki was waiting for me. It was surreal. 

“Are you happy with this,” I made a circle with my finger around my face, “as your new official look?”

“It’s fine.”

“Good. Stand against the wall.”

I snapped a few pics with my mobile. “Smile.” One more. “Lets get out of here.”

We made it down into the parking garage without any obstacles and soon we were headed out.

The drive home was uneventful and quiet, aside from one complaint from Loki that his new skin was “itchy”.

We pulled into the garage and jumped out of the boring mid-sized sedan and into the equally unassuming house.

“I’ve got to grab a few things. We have a few minutes if you wanted to get cleaned up.” I tried unsuccessfully not to think about smelling him once clean. “The decent shower is in the back bedroom.”

He nodded as he walked in the direction I had pointed, becoming Loki once more as he moved.

“Wait,” I stopped him. “Can you get rid of all that leather? I have regular clothes for you. Can you send it off to the nether?”

“I can be rid of it. Would you like me to do it now?” he asked archly.

“NO!” I covered my eyes. “Just go, please!”

As his chuckle trailed off down the hall, I finished our travel arrangements and gathered a final few necessities so we could be on our way.

I transferred the photos from the phone onto the Andrew Caldwell IDs and added them to the pouch with the Abigail Warner-Caldwell credentials then walked back to the master. The tote with all my-no, our-essentials was sitting on the floor by the bed. I contemplated throwing in more clothes but decided against it. Who knew what we might even need. Plus, good excuse for shopping.

The water was running in the bathroom. He needed towels and the new clothes so I grabbed them and stepped into the roiling steam.

His back was to me and the glass doors of the shower hid nothing. I knew immediately that I should have kept my eyes averted. The tight muscles of his back twisted and spread as he tended to the cleansing of his body. The desire to climb into the cascade myself was nearly insurmountable. Nearly.

He must have heard me come in. He turned his head around with a grin and began to slowly move the rest of his body in the same direction.

I shut my eyes tight. I did not need any more temptation at this point. “No, no. Don’t turn around. Just finish up. I’m leaving towels and clothes.”

I dropped the bundles and quickly swung around, basically running the hell out of the room.

Focus Bryn, I told myself and turned to a task I had been dreading.

I disengaged M.A.P. for the last time, removing the motherboard and power source, and placing the shell of it on the dresser. I’d left her behind plenty of times but this time felt permanent. I wasn’t looking forward to navigating my life without the ease the contraption had given me. I had a top of the line laptop coming with me but it just wasn’t the same. M.A.P. directed and amplified my abilities. It’s what she was designed for and it pained me to give that up. It was like saying goodbye to your best friend.

There was a sudden movement behind me. I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t even heard the water shut off. Some spy. 

“Are you ready?” I asked without turning.

“Oh, I’m more than ready,” came the low throaty reply.

Glancing back, I noted he’d only wrapped a towel around his waist, and just barely that. “Please get dressed, Loki. We need to go.”

“Mmm,” he nuzzled his face into my neck, “but you promised.”

“I said somewhere safe. This is not safe. We need to be out of the country before they realize you’re gone.”

There was a soft pfffft to my left. A quick glance revealed it to be the towel. I pressed my eyes closed for just a moment as my resolve disintegrated.

I spun quickly and hissed, “Ten minutes,” before pushing him back onto the bed and whipping off my clothes faster than I’d have thought possible, almost tripping on the tight skirt.

“Well that was, impressive. Though I might have preferred to unwrap you like a gift.”

“No time,” I said as I climbed onto the bed and over top of him. 

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He flipped me onto my back and covered me with his body.

“Control issues?” I smiled as pushed my hands roughly into his still dripping hair and yanked him down to my lips. I wrapped my legs tight around his hips. I didn’t need to be on top to call the shots.

He pulled my hands out of his hair, pushing them up over my head and pinning both wrists with one hand. “Possibly,” he said into my mouth.

I laughed heartily, turning my head to the side. I relaxed my whole body into the bed, loosening my grip on his hips but not disengaging my legs completely. A show of submission. I’d waited so long for this, I wasn’t going to fight him for dominance. Not this time anyway.

He brought his lips to my neck and I could feel the smile on them as he released my hands. He used his tongue to trace the lines of my throat.

“Baby, your minutes are ticking by. I’m going to cut you off soon.” I reached down with my freed hands to knead his perfect buttocks.

He repositioned his hips. “I don’t think you will.” 

I was suddenly filled completely. I gasped at the sensation, throwing my arms around his neck just to hold on as he started to move. He watched me intently, any trace of a smile gone. I lost all sense of time and space. Nothing left but that long coiled yearning in my gut ready to spring loose, begging to be liberated. 

He stared down into my eyes. “You realize you belong to me now.”

“It’s cute that you think that,” I replied, but the sound of the words lacked the conviction I had hoped for.

He wound one hand into the nest of my hair at the back of my head, gripping tightly but just shy of painfully. His other arm braced against the bed as he began to move in earnest. 

And he was right. I felt his ownership of my body in those moments. Surprisingly, I wanted it, needed it in ways my abiding desire had only hinted at.

His eyes remained on me, even as my body began to thrash against his welcome invasion. Even as the room resounded with my cries of release. Even as his breath shortened into abrupt gasps. 

As my body recovered, I watched him in return, memorizing each contraction of every muscle as he drove forward a final few times, culminating in a truly divine open mouthed moan that caused me to involuntarily grip him tighter, not wanting to let him go.

But he pulled away almost immediately, pushing himself down my body and pausing with his head above my legs. He met my questioning eyes.

“Oh, you don’t get to keep that.” His wicked smirk disappeared between my thighs. He dove inside me with his tongue, removing what he’d left. Each sweeping lick brought on a new innervation, a ratcheting intensity, as he removed that which I’d rightfully taken from him. I reached down with my fingers, braiding them into his damp mane, yanking hard to show my displeasure at his larceny even as I relished it. He traced each furrow, drew out each drop of our combined effluence, and I grew even more inflamed with each swallow. He took a deep pull on my clit, at the same time embedding a long finger into my ass.

I cried out as a brutal orgasm rocked me to my core.

Through my haze, I heard him speak. “Alright, then. I’m pleased at your acquiescence to my every desire.”

I felt more pressure, another digit and another making their way inside of me. My hips roiled at the need for more. “Come on,” I rasped, “fill me. Now.”

He shook his head. “I don’t appreciate demands.” The fingers were withdrawn, leaving a terrible emptiness that lasted only until he complied, roughly, ramming into me without mercy. Pain bloomed but dissipated quickly as he moved deep inside me, rubbing the hidden bundle of nerves only accessible via this more clandestine opening. Almost immediately, I came again, squeezing down on every inch of him, bringing a gasp to his lips and and an immediate withdrawal.

Before I could protest, he was straddling my chest, holding me down, his stunning erection looming over me. He palmed himself and began to stroke, his intent becoming obvious. But I needed to assert myself in someway. I pushed my head and shoulders up, just marginally, just managing to wrap my lips around the tip of his cock.

He hissed and plunged himself deep into my throat until his release shot down into my gut, pooled in my mouth and ran out over my lips.

He fell to the side, collapsing on the bed. We lay in a gratified heap for a few minutes. Finally I was able to speak. “Oh my god, that was a terrible idea.”

He propped himself up on an elbow. “Why? I don't see the error in it."

“Because now I want to stay in this bed just like this for the next week.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” he asked with a smug look.

“Yes!” I jumped up and out of the bed. “We need to go! We’ll miss our plane!”

“There will be another, will there not?”

‘No! We need to be out of here!” I smacked his truly splendid bum. “Up, up, up! Get dressed! We’re leaving now!”

A few minutes later, we were both dressed casually for traveling. He was unhappy with my selections.

“What is this?” he asked pulling the shirt away from his skin.

“It’s called a henley. It’s comfortable.”

“It’s horrifying. And these trousers-”

“They’re called jeans.”

“I hate them. And these are supposed to be boots? They have tiny ropes on them.”

“Hiking boots! Tie the ropes or you’ll trip. Look, we’ll get you things you like but for now, I just grabbed things I thought would fit. Chill. It’s just for a few hours.”

I grabbed the pouch with the new identities in it. “Are you ready to be someone new?”

“Not if this is what he wears,” he griped.

“Shut up.” I shook my head but smiled a little. “Here’s your phone, passport, ID, credit card. You’re Andrew Caldwell. Do you like Andy or Drew as a nickname?”

“Can I choose neither?”

“No. We’ll use both for a while and see what sticks. I’m Abigail from here on out. Abby if you want. I don't care either way. Same last name.” I pulled a pair of plain gold rings out of the pouch. “Married couples travelling garner the least attention. You good with this?”

“Whatever makes you happy.” He held out his hand.

“It’s not about happy.” I slapped the hand down. “Other one.” I slipped the ring on the proper finger. A little loose but it would do.

I started to slide mine on but he stopped me.

“Oh no. Don't I need to do that?"

I rolled my eyes. “We do not have time for this.” But I let him do it because it made him grin stupidly and I have to admit I enjoyed that. He was already relishing playing the role.

I checked for messages on the “Brynja” phone. Nothing yet. That was good.

“Grab that bag and let’s head out.” I picked up my own carry on. “We’ve got about a mile walk to the bus stop and that will take us to the airport and then we are on our way. Put your new face on and let's get out of here."


	8. Mission:  Unbound

As we sat alone under the bus shelter, my nerves began to show. That’s always my issue. While I’m planning, when I’m moving, as long as I’m going forward, it’s fine. Standing still, waiting, my fingers start to drum, my feet to tap. Bus schedules, beyond my control. I hate things that are beyond my control.

I turned to my new partner in crime to see he’d taken it upon himself to change his clothes again. An over the top, meticulous dark charcoal suit (it appeared to be a wool/silk blend by the sheen) and overcoat with stupidly shiny oxfords. I wanted to kill him.

“Hi.” I gave him my broadest, most obviously fake smile. “What are you doing? We’re going for inconspicuous. That outfit is conspicuous as all fuck.”

“I’ll not be forced to wear those horrid vestments.”

“Okay, fine.” I continued to grin. “Then I’m not gonna bring you with me. Fuck this shit. I don’t need it.” I went to stand and he grabbed my wrist, holding me in place.

He shook his head. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Then you need to change back.”

He rolled his eyes, his whole head really, and I noticed how strange it was that the mannerisms were the same even though his outward appearance was so different.

“Fine,” I tried a compromise. “Keep the shoes. The chunkiness of those soles is nice. Very Valentino. But the bring the shine all the way down to a matte. You can keep the pants, I like the slim fit, but the jacket, tie, and dress shirt go. Black Tee. Vee neck. Lose the damn scarf. What is your deal with the scarves anyway. It’s too warm for an overcoat but if you insist make it mid-thigh, black, and leather.”

He complied with all of my requests and seemed happy, impressed even. “This will do, but I prefer the other. I’m not sure what your issue is.”

I sighed as I looked him over. “It’s still too nice for traveling out of Newark at 2 AM, but it’s better. I’m not saying the suit wasn’t gorgeous but it wasn’t a good disguise. We stand out enough just by traveling in the middle of the night.” Besides, now I felt like a complete schlub in a loose casual spaghetti strapped dress and sweater. 

When the late night bus finally showed, there were few other passengers. Same story for the airport. There were benefits to traveling at night. Fewer eyes to avoid. But also there are drawbacks. You can't hide in plain sight like you can in a crowd during the day.

We had no issues getting through security. My ID skills are impeccable. I've had too many years of experience at it, so I’d had no concerns. Then the sitting and waiting for our flight began. I kept busy this time by hacking United’s system to place my real identity on a plane to São Paulo and booking a hotel there. 

Eventually we boarded our transatlantic flight, again with no trouble. I was starting to get a little suspicious. Not of the ease with which we were exiting the country, per se, but the fact that Loki had put up so little of a fight. He just came along, seeming interested in the mundane processes of picking up magazines and bottles of water. It was all so domestic. He followed all the appropriate guidelines set forth. Appropriate amounts of PDA, not enough to garner attention, but enough to be convincing. Smiles, banter, hand-holding. Check, check, check. I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. 

The flight was barely half full. We sat in an area with nearly no one else around, toward the back of the aircraft. I breathed a sigh of relief as the plane took off and we still hadn’t had any run-ins. I realized for the first time just how drained I was. I hadn’t slept in nearly forty-eight hours. It had to have been even longer for him.

“Are you exhausted?” I laid my hand over his, sliding my fingers between his and smiled at the flight attendant as she passed. “We’ve got eight hours. If you want to sleep, it’s safe to do it here. I’ll stay awake just in case anything comes up.”

He stared at our entwined hands for a moment before answering, “I’m fine. I can go for much longer without sleep if I must.” He lifted our hands and an eyebrow.

“Flight attendant.” I gestured toward the woman with my head. “Just being extra cautious.”

He nodded and brought my hand to his lips. 

“This is so weird,” I said under my breath.

“How so?” he wondered.

I dropped my head back onto the seat and looked up at the bank of air vents above us. “I’ve just been planning for so long. I guess part of me didn’t think it was really going to happen, you know?”

“I don’t, really.” He shook his head. “I’m still confused about much. You say that you need me-”

“I do, but before you ask, I’ll admit, I’m not entirely sure why. Tomorrow, once we’ve both managed some decent sleep, we’ll have a real discussion about it. Right now, I’m too wiped to have a coherent conversation. Jesus, it’s hot in here.” I always forget how ridiculously hot commercial planes can get. I pulled off the cardigan and stowed it under my seat. “Are you hot?” He shrugged and I narrowed my eyes. "Don't you dare even consider poofing that jacket. I told you you didn't need it. Stow it under the seat!"

He grinned wickedly at me but complied again. "Only because we're being inconspicuous."

I just stared at him for a moment. I was still shocked that the plan had worked. "Why?" I asked. "Why are you here? Why did you come with me so easily? I really didn't have to do much convincing."

He wore a sly smirk. "I'm always up for a bit of fun. The idea of those imbeciles scrambling to ascertain the circumstances of my disappearance amuses me. As well, I could use a respite after the trials of these last months and you seem an appropriate companion for such."

"Meaning, I'll let you fuck me?"

"Not at all,” he scoffed. “That's easy enough to obtain, were that my prime desire. Besides, I'd eventually have had my way, even if you were reluctant at first. What I mean is, your mind is such that I believe your companionship won’t bore me."

"Okay. Thank you?" 

"Oh, it's definitely a compliment."

"Seriously though, dude, what makes you think you know anything about me. You've known me for like a day."

"And yet in that short span you've laid yourself bare to me," his lip curled back, "in so many ways."

"So, you just trust me, naturally. Good call.” I hoped my sarcasm was evident. “But how can I trust that you don't have an ulterior motive? I mean, God of Mischief, God of Lies? I want to believe you, you seem earnest enough, but you're really good at seeming."

"Well," he grinned, "not all mischief stems from deception. And of course I have aims of my own. But I believe we can work together to further both of our causes. I have the highest of hopes for this partnership. I have no intention of poisoning it with falsehoods."

"And see, I want to believe that. I actually kind of do believe it, but I also kind of feel like an idiot because I do. I shouldn’t. You haven’t given me a reason to. But we need to be able to trust each other implicitly, or this is going to hell really damn fast. So I'm promising to you, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me...well I can't swear on God because I don't really believe, but how about the scientific method. That's something I believe in absolutely."

"Fair enough. And I'll give you the same. For you, only veracity, no deliberate misrepresentation nor twisting of the truth. And I shall swear this oath to you on myself."

"Uh, no,” I laughed at his bravado. “That's not gonna work for me. It sounds like a trick. Is there nothing meaningful to you? Nothing you'd have back from Asgard? If there is, swear on that."

"No."

"Nothing? At all?"

"Asgard was no happy place for me. Not the Valhalla I’m certain Thor has described. There is very little of my life there that I miss.” He looked contemplative for a moment. "The only thing of Asgard I might desire to see again would be Frigga, my mother. She's the only being in the entirety of that realm that has even a modicum of sense. But I feel uncomfortable swearing on her."

"Aww. That’s sweet. I’d never have pegged you for a mama’s boy. She's perfect. Do it."

"Fine.” He let loose a reluctant sigh. “I swear on Frigga, Queen of Asgard, the woman who raised and educated me, that nothing but full truths will pass from my silver tongue unto your golden ears."

"Silver tongue, huh? I think I can attest to the veracity of that claim," I teased. “But you still haven’t given me a good answer. Why did you come so easily?”

“Are you always this persistent? Why are you having such difficulty with this?” Annoyance had crept into his voice. “I was intrigued by you from the first moment I saw you. You felt the same. You’ve already admitted this. In the time after my fall into the abyss, I thought of you often. You were the last thing of beauty I beheld before my world was nothing but darkness and suffering. A tiny flame for my lepidopterous heart to seek out and strive towards.”

“Wait.” I stared at him with open mouthed confusion. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you? Yeah, no. You absolutely have to be fucking with me.”

His eyes narrowed and jaw tightened before an explosive angry hiss emanated from him. “I’ve just finished swearing to you that no lies should cross these lips! And you’re already doubting me?” He stopped abruptly, his face switching to concern. “What is wrong with you?”

My mouth was still agape and I may have emitted a strangled squeaking sound from my chest. I cleared my throat. “Nothing. Nothing. I think I just came a little.”

His wicked little grin returned. “I see,” he chuckled. “Well, this is going to be a gratifying respite, isn’t it? Come now. You offered me rest and I’ll not take it, but you should. Lay against me and sleep.”

“Are you sure? This seat leans back.”

“No, please,” He motioned to his shoulder with his hand.

"Why?"

He shrugged in a noncommittal manner but didn't answer.

I didn’t push. I just kicked off my shoes and curled my feet into the empty aisle seat, leaning my head against him and fell instantly asleep. 

When I woke hours later, it was to the sound of the pilot overhead announcing our imminent arrival. I’d surfaced from the type of deep sleep that leaves you befuddled and in a salivary puddle. A puddle that unfortunately was all over my companion’s shoulder. I sat up and looked around, ruefully patting his damp shirt. “Sorry. Why didn’t you push me away? I must have been so gross.”

He stretched a bit, now freed from the captivity of my nap. “Not at all. It’s refreshed me to see you sleep so well.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

He shook his head. “No need. I’m fine.” But his yawn told a different story. 

After we landed, we headed to the hotel I'd chosen for its reputation in discretion and privacy. We quickly checked in and headed up to the suite where we'd spend at least a bit of time before moving on. 

"You need to rest," I instructed as we walked into our room. "How many hours have you been awake?"

"Too many," he agreed. "But first, I have some unfinished business to attend to."

I hadn't been paying attention to where he was in the room. I'd had a false sense of security and he surprised me with his sudden movement. 

I was thrown face first up against the wall, both arms pushed up and pinned above my head by one of his strong hands. I tensed, ready to use every bit of my strength against him, but when he kicked my legs wide apart, I realized it wasn't that kind of attack. His teeth came down onto the sensitive area between my neck and shoulder. He bit down hard, a warning against my instinct to resist the sudden captivity.

He lifted the hem of my loose skirt, tore the panties underneath from my body, and pushed his hard length into me with no precursor, not that any was needed. Hard and fast, he pounded into me, his free hand gripping my hip. His mouth remained at my neck, the teeth scraping against my tender flesh at intervals with occasional deep suckles. I knew the mark he left would be more than noticeable and that was the point. I came more quickly than I even thought possible, flooding him with the fruits of his labor.

He released my hands and grabbed onto both hips as his thrusts became more erratic. With a grunt and few more hard thrusts, spilled into me with such force, I cried out again.

He dropped his forehead onto my shoulder for a few moments before withdrawing to adjust his clothes back to normalcy.

I stayed, face against the wall, catching my breath for a time but eventually I turned and collapsed onto the little couch in the center of the room. "Now why couldn't you have given me that when we were in a hurry?"

He dropped down on the cushion next to mine. "I don't take well to being told what to do."

"Really? I didn't notice.” I waved my hand toward my crotch. “Do I get to keep all of this, this time?" 

"Yes. I've deemed you worthy."

I laughed sharply at that. "Do you have an inscription on your penis? 'Whosoever wields this joystick, if she be worthy, is allowed to keep the semen of Loki.'"

"Are you comparing my cock to my brother's hammer?"

I was grinning widely now. "From what I can tell, they hold similar destructive powers."

He chucked evilly into my ear. "I haven't even begun to release my destructive power onto you."

"Mmm, then I suppose I have lots of destruction to look forward to." 

"Oh, you most certainly do." 

I reached up to touch his exhausted face with my fingertips. "You really do need some rest." 

"I do." 

As he stood and began to walk away, I tilted my head back to watch him.

He looked over his shoulder, saw me watching him, and returned to place a chaste kiss on my forehead before continuing into the bedroom.

I leaned forward, dropping my head in my hands and thought, for the first time but certainly not the last, what the hell have I gotten myself into?

It wasn’t good. He was better at this than I was. Better at my game. He was keeping me off balance. Damn him. 

Eventually, I made my way to the en suite to wash the travel (and other things) off of me. I stopped at the ornate mirror to survey the wreckage of the right side of my neck. Bright red, scratched, and tender. I knew the next days would see it bloom into a host of other vibrant hues. I’d done much worse to others in similar situations, but always meant to be covered, hidden, secret. The objective of this was visibility, control. He hadn’t managed his aim of rule over this planet, but he was damn sure going to show me who was in charge here in this room. The only surprising thing about that turn of events was my reaction to it. Given my autocratic nature, I should have been bothered by his usurping of my authority. But I didn’t care. Not one bit.

Once clean and wrapped in a robe that was a fluffy cloud from heaven, I ordered some things from room service. Anything that would keep until he woke.

I turned on the new phone but accessed the data from the old one I’d left on the dresser back home next to M.A.P. I needed to see if anyone had tried to make contact. I’d assumed that once they found Loki missing they’d have tried to call me back in. Sure enough, there was a list of increasingly annoyed texts from Tasha. Apparently, she thought I was being willful and possibly that I was ignoring her just to annoy her. I would wait a while longer to make contact. And when I did, I’d call Tate. I wasn’t going to have any contact with any of The World’s Mightiest Assholes, even though I knew Tash would never forgive me for ignoring her.

Instead, I nibbled on the snacks they delivered and sipped on a tumbler of Scotch while flipping through the television channels before ultimately falling into a deep, oblivious sleep on the couch.


	9. Mission:  Disclosure

I was roused from my couch coma by a horrific sound. It took a few moments of coming to consciousness, listening, and feeling around before I had my bearings. 

The commotion came from the direction of the bedroom. These were noises I recognized, guttural and terrified. I’d woken myself similarly more times than I’m willing to admit. I rushed in to find Loki thrashing against the bed, covers a chaotic mess. 

I grabbed his shoulders knowing it was a stupid thing to do, but I wasn't willing to let him continue to experience whatever terror his mind had dredged up from it's depths.

"Loki!" 

His hands shot out, immediately twining around my neck. As his fingers began to tighten, I clawed at his wrists and croaked out his name again. 

He bolted upright, releasing my throat, eyes popping open, staring directly into mine. The terror I saw there I knew too well. Breathing heavily, he began to crumple back into the bed, a resigned horror blooming across his face. 

I coughed and sputtered as I climbed into the bed, taking several deep breaths to survey the damage from the brief yet painful strangling. I knelt behind him so that his head rested on my chest and wrapped my arms around him. I couldn't protect him from things that happened in the past. I wouldn't be able to protect him from things that would happen in the future. But I could hold onto him here and now and show him I got it in a way many others couldn't.

"You woke me." His seemed incredulous, confused.

"Well, yeah." My voice was still surprisingly rough.

"Why?"

"Didn't sound like a particularly fun dream."

"I...I could have killed you. Why would you put yourself in that position?"

"Okay, first off, I was forming a plan, so don't just assume I was coming out on the bottom of that." I was definitely coming out on the bottom of that. I shrugged, a gesture he couldn't see but could possibly feel. "Maybe, I just wouldn't care that much if you did." I've never been suicidal a day in my life but if I really thought about it, I suppose the idea that it didn't really matter if I didn't come back from a mission, had served me pretty well. You could just do stupid shit in the moment and marvel later that it didn't kill you. And it had been a hell of a rough week, so I suppose my self-care level was pretty low right then.

"That's the most moronic thing I've ever heard. What does that even mean? You wouldn't care? Do you want me to kill you? Is that what this is? Because I will not."

"Oh goddammit! I didn't before but if you're going to insist on making a big deal about it, I changed my mind. Yes. Kill me."

"No,” he sulked. "Then what would I do? You're supposed to be guiding me through this clandestine world. And without you I would be bored."

I peered down at him. "Are you even going to apologize for trying to kill me?"

"Absolutely not. You should have known what a colossally poor decision it was to lay your hands on me as I experienced..." he trailed off. His hands came up to cover my arms that were still wrapped protectively around his bare chest. "And now you're holding me against your breast as you would a babe. Why?"

A long breath sighed out from my lips. "Because I've been there. When I was having my nightmares, this is what I would have wanted from someone, I guess. I'm here with you. I'm not going to let you to go through that on your own."

"You've had nightmares?” 

I laughed, a short mirthless sound. "Yeah. That's kind of why you're here."

He nodded but said nothing.

We sat in silence for a long while, my arms slung around his shoulders, his large hands covering mine in a vice grip.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked eventually.

"No." He turned his head to look up at me and asked, "Do you?"

"Want to talk about mine? I would, but I’m a little afraid they may be a little too close to home for you right now..." Freeing one hand from his grip, I brought my fingers up to his face, traced his cheekbone and lips, down his chin and neck, and over his chest, ending back atop his hands that continued their grip on my other arm.

He sighed. I could feel him beginning to relax into me. “Why would you believe them to be similar?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” I blew out a long breath and resigned myself to have this discussion now. “I’ve seen things. Things I shouldn’t be able to see. It started, what? A year ago? After I first met you. The first nightmare was the following night. Was it contact with you guys? I don’t know. Maybe it was being struck by your brother’s lightning? I’m not sure.”

“Stop." He stiffened again. "Explain. Thor attacked you? I thought the two of you were friendly?”

“No, no. It was an errant bolt. Accidental.”

"You were injured?” 

"Not badly, obviously. It wasn't pleasant, but I was fine."

"And you don't find that strange? That you've walked away from incidents that should have killed you with nary a scratch?"

"Oh sweetie, trust me. I've got plenty of scratches. Do I need to show you all my scars? I'm just lucky."

"You're not lucky. You’re something else. Something extraordinary."

I waved the thought away with my free hand. "I'm really not."

He shook his head and redirected the conversation. "Tell me about your dreams."

I ran my fingers through his black hair and wondered aloud, "When did you change back?"

"It's difficult to hold an alternate form when I'm unconscious, especially at the level of exhaustion I was enduring last evening. Stop trying to change the subject."

"Fine. My dreams...it's hard to explain. Sometimes I have dreams that I wake from knowing that it's going to happen. Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "Prophetic dreams."

"Yeah, I guess," I continued. "I've never had it on this scale before. It was always little things, like, oh the coffee maker at work is going to break today. But now? I see destruction. I see war. I see you." I pulled him tighter into me. "I see you in the past. I see you in the future. I see you where you were before you were here." I nuzzled the top of his head holding back the tears I felt stinging my eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to see it. It feels like such a violation." I took another deep breath. "But it's all jumbled. There's no order. No meaning. I wrote what I could remember of each one in a journal, but it all makes less than no sense. I just know it's important. You're important."

"Do you have the book? May I see it?"

“No,” I scoffed, “you cannot! I’m not going to just show…Wait,” I shook my head to clear it. “Yeah. Yeah, of course you can. I’m just so used to keeping this all to myself. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He was actually laughing at me. “I understand why you’d be hesitant.”

“No.” I continued to shake my head at my own stupidity. “You definitely can help me with figuring this out. That's sort of the point of all this, isn't it? I’ll show you once we get out of bed.”

"Well, let’s not hurry. I don’t desire to be out of this bed for some time.” He rolled himself over to face me. “I have need to be inside of you now."

"Seriously, do you think you have to ask?"

"Oh, I wasn’t asking,” he grinned. “I was preparing you for the coming invasion." And with that he yanked my legs out from under me, laying me out flat on the bed. He surveyed me from his advantageous position. "You are wrapped as a gift for me today. You take instruction well." His hand reached for the sash of the robe I'd fallen asleep in, slowly pulling it as he watched the bow unwind and the sides of the cloth fall open. 

"That was just a coincidence. Really. Don't read too much into it." I shimmied my arms out of their fluffy prisons, wrapping them around the back of his neck.

He dipped his head down to kiss me, that sardonic smile still playing on his lips as he did. His tongue sweeping around my mouth, his teeth nipping at my lips, erotic yet somehow too intimate. I pushed his shoulders up and he looked down on me with a new hint of fondness in his eyes. It made me uncomfortable. This was supposed to be work with a side of sex. No one was allowed to get too close here.

I squeezed my fingers into his solid deltoids, loving the feel of them but hating that I did. He shifted his weight then plunged his fingers into me, testing the wetness there. I moaned at this filling but continued in my concerns at the look on his face as he worked his deft fingers around inside. As my orgasm approached, I looked up into his eyes looming above me. "Put your hands back around my neck."

He jerked his hand away from me in surprise. Reaching up to my throat, he ran the slick fingers over the marks already there: the bites from the night before, the bright red ligatures surely forming from this morning. He wrapped his hand lightly around my neck, as if testing the way it might feel before pulling back. "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not saying I won't do it. Just not this time."

"Why?"

"I...Don't want to." 

"Why not?" I was sounding like a skipping record as I ran my hands up over his chest then scratched lightly down, the nails leaving the lightest of pink trails over the pallor of his skin.

He collected my wrists together and held them away from his body. "That is not what I want right now. I want you. No distractions. No theatrics. What I need is only you."

"And you always get exactly what you want, don't you?" I was incredulous at his bravado, his need to control.

His voice hardened in his retort. "I should think you would realize that is the farthest possible thing from the truth."

My heart sank. This was supposed to be a partnership. And I was admonishing him for the exact thing I was doing in that moment, trying to control the situation. I'd promised him what ever he needed and I was now trying to pull away and convince him he needed something else. "I'm sorry. It's just...This all feels a little too intimate. It's freaking me out."

"Isn't it supposed to be intimate? Aren't sexual encounters by definition intimate?" He dropped my wrists and his fingers returned to their previous station and recommenced their adroit movements.

"No. They don't have to be. Sex can easily just be two bodies rubbing up against each other for release!" The last word was fairly screamed as his thumb slowly circled my clit. 

"Is that what you're searching for? Nothing more than a release?" He quickened the movements of his fingers inside and outside of me. He was looming above me, that twist still playing across his lips and one eyebrow raised, as if he already knew the answer.

But no answer came. I couldn't speak at all as the orgasm rocked me. After a moment, riding out the waves, I decided to give him what he'd asked for. I reached my hands behind his neck and brought his lips to mine, exploring their depths as he positioned himself inside me. I wrapped my legs around his hips as he began to move, slowly at first, but with more vigor the tighter I held on to him. As we made love, I realized that this coupling was filling holes in each of us that we hadn't been able to fill on our own. He needed to feel needed. I needed to feel whole. Maybe together we could manage to be one functioning being? 

Afterwards, we lay together, wrapped in each others arms. It was comfortable at first, but the realization soon dawned that I was letting him in far too deeply and far too easily. I grew restless. "Okay. Enough of this. I have work to do." I rolled off of the bed, dragging the robe behind me and sliding it back up my arms. 

He rolled toward me, head propped on a cupped hand balanced over his elbow. A casual pose that shouldn't have been possible given his status as fugitive. "You're thinking of work? After that? Shouldn't you allow yourself a cuddle and a nap?" 

How? Was he just the universe's greatest poker player? "No. I have to ensure our safety. Why aren't you more worried about this?" He shrugged in his laissez faire way. "Are you really that good at hiding your feelings or do you just not give a fuck?"

He considered. "Probably both." He smiled up at me, dropping back onto the bed, hands casually behind his head.

“Look, this is a bad idea. All of this. Just...Keep your distance from me for a while, okay.” I turned away, irrationally annoyed. He allowed me to walk away without protest. He wasn't taking this the least bit seriously. This wasn't fucking Spring Break at Daytona Beach. And if his 'Hey! Let's everybody have a good time!' attitude didn't completely ruin my focus, this very obvious switch to paramour would. He was taking the term honeymoon a little too seriously, refusing to leave the bed. Yes, see? Being angry at him was much easier than thinking about the possibility that there were other potential emotions to feel. 

I walked back into the living area of the hotel room, grabbing the mobile phone I'd modified to receive the texts and calls from my old number, just so I could keep a close eye on who was trying to reach me. The texts and voice mails were exclusively from Natasha. They'd gone from irritated to irate to outright worried. It was time to call in and allay some concerns. Not to Tash though. To the only other missed call. She hadn't left a message. She wouldn't. She'd stew quietly, but would also know I'd reach out to her before anyone else. 

I dialed Alexis Tate after taking the precautions of routing the call through a system in Brazil and blocking the number. 

"Hey," I said as soon as the line picked up on the other end. "I'm really sorry to run off like that." She was quiet. No answer. "I know. I'm a fucking asshole. I'm sorry. I freaked. All that shit. Aliens, Lex! Fucking aliens! I couldn't deal!"

She finally spoke. "Where are you."

I sighed. "You know where I am. I know you're tracing."

"Yeah. I am. Maria would never forgive me if I didn't. Can you hear all that commotion back there? She hasn't stopped cussing since she got your resignation email this morning. You're aware that you can't just resign from S.H.I.E.L.D. It doesn't work that way."

"I know. I had hoped they'd at least give me a leave of absence or something." I took a deep breath. "I'm kind of in the middle of some stuff right now that I need to deal with. Personally."

"Well, just so you know, your name is being bandied about around here for possibly being involved in some pretty nefarious shit."

"What? Why?"

"Well, you picked a pretty crap moment to need some me time, Bryn. People think you're somehow involved in the disappearance of an Asgardian war criminal."

"What do you mean?" I'd figured at least a couple of people would put those two things together.

"Loki is gone. Just disappeared out of his cell. Like magic." She sounded vaguely annoyed, as if she was tired of the subject and thought I should have already been briefed. "Haven't you spoken to Natasha?"

"No. Only you. What the fuck, Lexi! Do you know how much work went into capturing that asshole? And they just let him slip through their fingers?" I was really hoping this was an Academy Award winning performance. This woman knew me better than anyone else on the planet.

"He's not with you, then." I could hear the smirk in her voice. She'd thought the possibility that I was with Loki was an insane one. I felt the tension in my body release but needed to keep up an act of indignation.

"No! Jesus, Lex! I'm on my fucking honeymoon!"

There was silence at the other end of the line for a good thirty seconds before, "WHAT?" I'd known that lie bomb would pull focus from Loki.

"Look, it all happened kind of fast..."

"What the fuck, Bryn! You got MARRIED! Do I know them?"

"No. No one does really..."

"You married someone I've never even met? What if they’re a mass murderer or something! Don't you think it would be a good idea to let your psychiatrist friend meet a person before you MARRY THEM?" She went on for several minutes like that. Berating me for rushing in and not knowing him long enough and not getting the opinions of my friends. It was no surprise from a woman who had been with her girlfriend for over four years before they'd even moved in together.

I finally interjected when she stopped to take a breath, "Well, Tash knew about him." And in a sense that wasn't a lie. She had grilled me over my preoccupation months prior and I'd let her know the culprit was of a male persuasion. I went on to tell her the same story Tasha had gotten. I'd met a man on an op, a contractor. I added that I had finally managed to track him down a few months ago, and when the shit had gone down, we decided to run off and leave the craziness behind.

Her only heartbroken response, "You told Natasha?"

"No, she managed to wheedle out the fact that I was kind of obsessing over this guy while I was looking for him. That's all she knows. Only you know everything."

"And you don't think this was rash? Nat told me some things that went down out there. Maybe this is a response to seeing Bru-"

"No! This has nothing to do with that."

"Uh huh."

"Do you think you can talk to Hill? Convince her to give me a few months? I'm going to be offline. I won't be easy to reach."

"YOU are going off the grid? Purposely?"

"I need to. I have to be away from all of it. It's not good for me. It's never been good for me." And none of those things were lies. "I can't do it any more."

"I'll talk to her."

"Thank you."

“They’re not going to be happy. You know they’ll want you on this thing, trying to track Loki.”

“Track Loki? What do you mean? They don’t think he’s already off-world by now?” No harm in adding a little more obfuscation, right?

“How could he be? We have the Tesseract-”

“No, no. He has other ways to get around. He showed up in New Mexico from Asgard without the Tesseract or the Bifrost. Ask Thor about it. He’ll tell you.”

“Shit. Are you serious? That’s problematic as hell. We’re going to have to completely change focus. Look, I have to let you go. Just promise you'll check in with me. I'm gonna worry."

"Don't worry. You know me. I'm always good."

"Yeah." She didn't sound convinced as she clicked off.

I knew if she ever found out how badly I was lying to her, she was going to beat me with a bo staff. I hadn’t yet decided which was going to be worst. Tate’s beating by stick, Tasha’s shock by Widow’s Bite, or Clint’s arrow to my knee. But they were all coming if they found out.

I felt a presence behind me, and turned to see a freshly showered Loki looking nearly casual in a gray button down and black slacks, hair still damp. He walked cautiously toward me until I sighed and waved him over. 

"How the hell do you do that clothes thing?” I asked, hoping to break the tension I felt from him, likely from my earlier outburst. “It's so weird."

"I should imagine in a similar fashion to the way you do your...What do you call your talent?"

"I don't. But I guess if I had to put a name on it, psychokinesis? Electrokinesis maybe? I don't know. I just think about it and it sort of happens. It works best with electrical systems. I can get inside them. Like, the people next door," I worked to push my consciousness through the wiring into the television of the next room, "they're watching some kind of cooking show. I can hear it, kind of? I can feel it when I push my mind, I guess, into the...This is stupid. It's just a useless thing I can do. Nothing better than a party trick. It doesn't matter."

"It matters very much. How did you learn this? Did someone teach you? Mould your mind into the treasure it is now?"

"Uh, no. I've just always been able to. Like I've said, it's not something I'm going to just put out there. No one likes people who are different. You've seen that. It's a nightmare for people who have, what would you even call it? Mutations? Talents? Powers? They're contained. Regulated. Not free, really. I'm not going to be put in a cage."

"That would be a genuine travesty." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not. His face was unreadable. He soon changed the subject. "So, how do we proceed?" 

I stood and walked to the bag on the floor containing my journal, wondering if any of it would even be intelligible to another person. I perched on the arm of the chair where he'd taken up residence and handed the book to him. "I'm not sure. I didn't really believe we'd make it this far." 

He failed to suppress a chuckle. “Well, that’s a surprise. I’d thought you confident to the point of grandiosity.”

“Illusion, my friend. Don’t you know a bit about that?”

“Even more than you know.”

I let him look through the journal. Walking away, I cleaned myself up, ordered hot food from room service, tried not to look at him. There were things written in that book that he wouldn’t want anyone to know. I wanted to give him as much time as he needed to process that. And I needed time not near him. His mere presence was clouding my judgement. I looked at the digital clock on the credenza against the wall. The number on it meant nothing. My body was a wreck from travel and trauma. It seemed an appropriate time for a drink though, so I poured the scotch from the previous night into a couple of glasses and surreptitiously set one on the table next to the armchair where he sat before moving away again. Time passed at a crawl as he flipped through the handwritten pages. I hadn’t dared compile the information electronically for fear of it somehow being compromised. I knew that was an irrational fear. Normally I have every confidence in my safeguarding measures. This, however, seemed too important to be left in the care of the cloud.

When he finally looked up, after having drank three glasses of the scotch and eaten an entire plate of food with his nose in the book, his look was puzzled.

I bit my lip, almost afraid to ask, "Does any of that mean anything to you?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

My heart sank at the realization that I'd wasted the last year of my life, betrayed everyone I'd ever cared about, chasing a myth.


	10. Mission:  Acrimony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long delay in updating. The next few chapters are all partially finished already so hopefully will come sooner rather than later! Trigger warning for some rather unsexy violence in the middle there. Musical selections for this chapter include Dangerous - Big Data and You're the Storm - The Cardigans.

I felt my body tipping over again, nearly losing consciousness from the combination of the pleasure and Loki's hand wrapped around my throat. As he released my neck, my lips croaked out a moan. He dipped his head to claim it, his pace quickening, bringing him over the brink with me.

After he'd rolled onto his back, I pushed my head into the pillows. "Holy shit. You're going to kill me."

"I'd never. Then you'd not give me the lovely sounds you make now. You'd be much less pleasant to fuck as a corpse."

"Not the big death. Just lots of little ones," I said with a lazy smile.

"Besides, who would move me around this clandestine world?” he continued to tease. “Who will show me around the city? I need you for that."

"Well, number one, _we_ aren't going anywhere. Number two, I don't really know much about Amsterdam. I've only been here a few times and it was always for work. That's why I was familiar with this hotel actually. There was a suspect we'd been tailing, trying to get to our hand on his cache of stolen weapons. We had set up in the _Rossebuurt_ and I let him pick me up at one of the windows. Instead of making use of the little apartment behind it, I let him bring me here. 'Against protocol' because he 'looked like a nice guy.' I'm positive had I really been a prostitute it wouldn't have ended well."

"So, then, is it safe to be here? Do not others also know of its existence?"

"It's safe. They are impressively good at keeping their clientele list private. Besides, I can pick and choose the information I give to my superiors. This place, because of their excellent security and discretion, went in my vault," I tapped the side of my head, "not in my report."

"I thought you were a scientist. How would you find yourself in such a situation?"

I chuckled at the question I’d often asked myself as well. "You'd be surprised. Most of the time I can blame Natasha." An inadvertent smile moved across my lips as I said her name. I missed her more than I would have actually thought. "She used to request me pretty often when she'd put together a team. She could usually make up an excuse to need my expertise, but really, we just always had more fun than was strictly necessary when we were together. That one was specifically because she had decided the red light district window was a good draw for this idiot so we had exclusively female agents on the op."

"And this man, did you sleep with him?"

"Why? Would it bother you if I did?"

He shrugged, but didn't answer.

"No, babe," I reassured, "I don't sleep with anyone I don't want to sleep with."

"And how do you avoid it in a situation like that?"

"Well, my original plan was never to get back to the hotel, but that didn't quite work out. Which, as it turns out, it wasn't a bad thing." I shrugged. "Sometimes you shoot them. Sometimes you knock them out with a heavy object." Giving him my most mischievous grin, I continued, "Sometimes you implant a tiny explosive device into his most sensitive area and if he refuses to take you to his weapons cache, you threaten to blow his dick off."

"Did you do that?"

"I did."

"And it worked?"

"Of course it worked. There is nothing men like that value more than their cocks."

He threw his head back in a magnificent guffaw. "You are extraordinary."

I couldn't hide the smirk that told him I already knew that.

"I can just imagine the things we could accomplish together. We could rule, not only Asgard, but the entirety of the universe. I feel very fortunate to have found you."

"Stop!" I laughed. "I can barely manage to keep myself alive day to day. I'm in no position to rule anything. Nor would I want to. Now," I jumped out of bed and headed toward the shower, "I have to get going. It's late enough for the graveyard shift to be at the lab by now."

"I'm coming with you." He followed me into the bathroom.

"No. You're not."

I climbed into the shower and he followed suit, turning on the spray before pressing me up against the shower wall, spreading me wide and murmuring into my neck, “You know that I am. There’s no point in fighting me.” I let it go for the moment, throwing my head back against his shoulder as he fucked me again.

Finally clean and sopping wet, I pushed him down onto the marble floor and rode him one more time before managing to find myself clothed in something other than the hotel's bathrobe for the first time in weeks. I hoped the white blouse and camel colored slacks would help me blend into the background of the lab complex. I wished I'd packed a lab coat.

He came up behind me and did his level best to unbutton the blouse as quickly as I buttoned it.

"No." I swatted his hands away and moved across the room.

"Dressing is useless and unnecessary," he sulked.

"I would think you'd be more interested in getting this done! The sooner I get the parts to finish the processor, the faster we find you a way off this planet. I thought that was the plan. Get you back to Asgard so you can rule."

"It is. I should be king. It's my birthright."

"Do you even want to be king?"

"Of course!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm meant to be. It was promised me."

"Is that really a good reason? You want it because someone said it was yours then changed their mind. I completely understand that making you want it even more. I do. But you can do whatever you want now. There is no one telling you what you should or shouldn't do, what you should or shouldn't want. Think about it. Are you sure you actually want to be king?"

He hesitated only for a second before answering, "Yes."

"Then why aren't you letting me move this little plan along?" I yelled.

With that, he sat on the bed, uncharacteristically quiet, almost contemplative. I took the opportunity to finish dressing and dug through to the bottom of my suitcase finally finding the tiny metal nail file there that I'd obtained in the hotel's boutique.

"What is that for?" Loki asked, as I tucked the file carefully into the top of my knee high brown boot.

"Nothing, probably. Hopefully I won't need it. I'm trying to get in there when no one is around but if I get jumped before I have my hands on a decent weapon, I'll need something to defend myself."

"And what, exactly, are you going to do with that?" His incredulous face told me this was going the direction of an argument.

"Trust me, a well timed thrust with it into the jugular and I can have a man bleeding out on the floor in seconds."

"No. No. You're definitely not going alone. I'm coming with you."

"You are not! This is a stealth mission!"

"Stealth is my modus operandi!"

"Ha! You haven't exactly shown that to be true, Mr. 'I am Loki of Asgard. Check out this Glorious Purpose I've been burdened with!'" I mocked him with jazz hands.

"Will you stop referring to my penis as my 'Glorious Purpose?' I rather wish you hadn’t been present to hear that monologue."

"Never. I will never stop." I gave him a little sideways grin then sighed. "Do you promise to listen to me and do what I say?"

"I'm not certain I can promise that."

"Then you can't come!"

"Oh, I'm definitely coming."

I threw my hands up in a mixture of frustration and defeat. "Fine. Put on a nondescript face and clothes and if I think you look okay, you can come."

He did an excellent job with a face that was neither handsome nor ugly and a boring button down and slacks. The new face gave me a distinctly Loki eye brow lift that said, 'See? I'm good at this.'

I rolled my eyes, grabbed his arm, and exited the hotel room.

We managed to gain entry into the LabCorp building from a back alley entrance via my usual disabling of video cameras and door locks. At the last second I noticed a camera perched on the edge of a neighboring building and decided to be safe and disable that one too.

We crept along the deserted hallways avoiding the few night watchmen still inside the building. I was used to the quiet of my usual compatriots. Commands were given in gestures and a few hushed grunts. Loki, on the other hand, treated the entire foray like a fun field trip. As we travelled the desolate corridors, he quipped and joked in a low conspiratorial whisper. In part I knew this was my fault. I’d kept him contained for too long. This knowledge did not temper my annoyance.

After yet another snarky comment, (Shouldn't the floors in this place be cleaner?) I finally snapped.

"Shut up," I hissed. "We are not supposed to be here. At least have the decency to try to blend in." I knew I should have fought harder to make him stay behind.

"What would you like me to do?" He responded in a voice that sounded too loud for my liking but in reality probably wasn't.

"Just stand there quietly and look menacing." I looked down at the small tablet in my hand that displayed the layout of the building.

"That sounds like a job better suited to my brother."

"No shit but I don't have him, do I? I've got you instead!"

"Hurtful!"

The anxiety of a new, possibly lunatic partner may have been making me a little more tetchy than it should have. I turned to look directly at him. "Baby, you're actually going to have to listen to me right now. Which is exactly what you're not doing and it's stressing me out."

“Alright, I’ll be good.” He grinned in a manner that assured me he absolutely would not be and we continued on our way down a stairwell and out into another long deserted passage.

We rounded the corner that lead to the room I was seeking to find a security guard heading directly for us. I suppose not running into anyone the whole way had made me cocky. I hadn’t even crept up to double check. He'd seen us before we could turn back.

"Shall I kill him for you?" Loki whispered into my ear.

"No! No evidence! Bodies are evidence!" I hissed back.

Instead, I lifted my hand in greeting, hoping that a friendly exchange would be less than suspicious. The man narrowed his eyes and hailed us. "What are you doing in this area? No one belongs down here this time of night."

I began to respond with an explanatory lie, but Loki rushed around behind him.

The man fell in a heap at my feet, his neck snapped.

I stared blankly forward, wide eyed and disbelieving, now seeing my companion rather than the man I had been speaking to. "What have you done?"

"What needed done. We'd been discovered-"

"I told you, no casualties. I specifically said...Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." I looked around and saw a freight elevator. Sending it up to the top floor, I forced the doors open and gestured for Loki to throw the body down the shaft.

He frowned. “You know I could just,” he waved his arms in the air like an overly exuberant magician.

“No!” my voice was a shrill whisper. “I have no idea where it would end up!”

“I have control, you know,” he griped as he hefted the corpse over his shoulder and tossed it unceremoniously into the shaft.

I glared at him without another word and continued across the hall, breaking into the deserted room with little trouble. I quickly gathered some of the rare equipment I needed to rebuild an approximation of my computer: an extremely powerful CPU and tiny carbonadium coils, things that would help hone my abilities and hasten my search for portals off world.

I stalked quickly out of the building, Loki following close behind. We made our way down the streets filled with the city's nocturnal residents in silence, walking the nearly two miles back to the hotel. Once the large glass windows of the building were in sight, Loki spoke for the first time. "Why don't we just stay out a bit longer? We could have a meal at one of these restaurants."

I turned and stared at him for a moment, gave him a disgusted grunt and turned into the grand lobby.

He followed behind as I returned to our room, quietly stewing, but as soon as the door was closed behind him he let his feelings be known.

"I do not understand your problem."

I rounded on him to find he'd gone back to his usual appearance. "You don't understand?"

"No!" His voice was gruff with annoyance. "I did what needed to be done."

"What needed to be...I told you to let me handle it. You didn't even give me a chance. Then you want to just go for dinner? You'll be lucky if I ever let you out of this room again!"

"As if you have a say in that."

"You better believe I do! You are such a fucking narcissist! You don't see anything outside of yourself!"

“Well, isn’t that the _heidrun_ calling the _bilgesnipe_ horny?”

“What?”

“ _Heidrun_. _Bilgesnipe_. Don't you have those?" I shook my head in confused anger. "They’re Asgardian creatures and both are horny.”

“Like...bunnies? They have a lot of sex?”

“No! They have horns!” He made horns on his head with wiggling fingers. “Why would horny mean they have sex?”

“I don't know! It just does!" I scrubbed my face with my palms and tried to get back on track. "Goddamn it! You could have gotten us killed today-"

He scoffed at me. "I cannot be killed by a mere Midgardian man."

"Fine! You could have gotten me killed then!" He rolled his eyes in response. I ignored him and continued. "You have got to learn to listen to me. This was my life for a long time. I know what I'm doing. Do what I tell you or next time you're fucking staying home!"

"Do you think me incompetent?" He spat, circling like a panther around his prey.

I shrugged. "I didn't fucking say it but," my diatribe was cut short by a large hand covering my mouth as my arm was wrenched behind me.

"You are a mouthy bitch," he said into my ear, "were you aware of that?"

My eyes widened and my nostrils flared as I prepared to defend myself.

He let go of my wrist and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling my body back tight against him and continued, "You’re quite lucky I like it."

The adrenaline instantly turned to an enraged lust. Yanking his hand away from my face, I spun to face him and crushed my mouth against his. He pushed me backward and I landed heavily on the floor, ass first. He was on me in a moment, ripping my blouse open, sending the buttons skittering across the floor.

“You’re a real asshole, you know that?” I bit into his earlobe harder than I normally would have, nearly drawing blood.

He hissed and reared back. I thought he was going to slap me but instead he gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You should have more care.”

“Or what?” I mimicked his dangerous tone.

“Do you really want to find out?” My slacks and panties were shoved down my thighs without ceremony.

“Yeah, I kind of do.” I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and he responded by making it disappear, along with everything else he had been wearing.

He pushed himself inside me roughly. “Woman, you are playing with fire.” He raked his teeth across my shoulder and down, nipping at the tip of my breast through the thin silk, making me jump involuntarily at the pleasurable pain.

He pumped hard into me a few times and I responded by digging my nails into his shoulders hard enough to make him grunt in satisfaction at a job well done. He’d managed to get a rise out of me and he liked it.

I pulled him down to me and whispered, "This doesn't change anything, you’re still a dick."

He pulled his head back. "And you're still mouthy. Fucking you isn't going to change that either. Nor would I want it to. Do you want to change my fundamental nature? I was under the impression you rather enjoyed me the way I am."

"I do," I said through gritted teeth as he continued his harsh thrusts. "I'm just angry that shit didn't go the way I'd planned it. I'm not angry at you. I'm just taking it out on you. That's part of my nature and you'll have to deal with it if we're going to be together!"

He stopped moving abruptly and pushed up on his hands, hovering over my prone form. "Are we together? Is that what's happening here?"

"I mean, I don’t know! I guess? For now.” I took a deep breath. “Until you leave.”

"Are you angry that I will? Leave?" His voice had lost it's edge and sounded merely curious now.

"I don't know, Loki. I'm not sure what to think." I stared up at his questioning face, my annoyance beginning to ebb. "Everything has kind of gone to hell. Nothing is going as planned. I'm losing it a little bit. And here you are, just being who you are...And I just don't know what to do anymore."

Nodding, he disengaged and poofed the rest of my clothing as well. I started to protest but he laid a finger across my lips and shushed me. “They’re all perfectly folded on the chair in the bedroom,” he reassured. Moving down my body and repositioning himself between my legs, he set about eliminating the remains of my anger. His head dipped down, the rasp of his tongue dragging along my most sensitive areas. I lifted up onto my elbows to watch him. The contrast of the rough fucking to the soft gentle ministrations he now provided pushed me to the edge almost immediately. My head fell back to the floor and I came with a moan and his name on my lips. But that wasn't enough for him. He continued to suckle at my sensitive flesh until my cries resounded off every surface of the room, only stopping after an orgasm that pulled a babble of nonsense from my lips.

He crawled slowly back up my body with a feline grace and smirked at me as if he’d inadvertently learned the secrets of the universe before he attacked my mouth with his.

I wrapped myself around him completely as he entered me again, holding him as if my very life depended on it. He moved inside me, gently at first but working up to a similar fervor from where we'd begun. Every inch of our bodies remained connected until we'd both had our fill of pleasure.

Afterwards, he made to roll off of me but I clung to him. We lay side by side on the hard floor still wrapped in each other's arms.

"You did this on purpose, didn't you?" I asked. "To get me to stop yelling at you. That's underhanded."

"It worked, did it not?" He made to turn over onto his back with a bemused expression and I allowed him to do so.

"I didn't say it didn't work." I lay my head on his chest. "I’m just saying it was cheating."

"Did you expect any less?"

I chuckled. "No," then thought for a moment. "I'm not really angry at you, you know, just at this whole situation. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. I'm trying not to do those things anymore."

"You shouldn't be concerned by it," he ran his long fingers through my tangle of hair. "That man was of no consequence, naught but a lowly human."

"But that's not true. He meant something to someone somewhere." I sighed, from exhaustion and resignation. "I'm just tired. I don't want it anymore. No more intrigue. No more espionage. No more killing. I just want to have a normal life."

"What does that mean to you?"

"I don't even really know," I tilted my head to look up at him, "but these last few weeks have felt more like normal than they should. I've gotten too comfortable. I shouldn't get complacent with you. Once you're gone, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I feel lost. I have this nebulous thing hanging out there, a vague apocalypse that I can't prevent or even comprehend. But I can't go back to my old life because, I just can't do it anymore."

"What do you want then?"

"Right now?" I hugged him even tighter. "Just this. You, like this, as long as I can have you."

He moved his hand from my hair to wrap his arm securely around my shoulders. "That doesn’t sound like an unpleasant way to tarry. I think it can be arranged."


	11. Mission:  Fight the Feeling

I sat on the edge of the couch, leaning over the little coffee table, finally able to put the finishing touches on the processor I'd spent the last weeks working on. The final components had been acquired the previous night in our foray into that laboratory. I'd used the shell of a small laptop as my casing so at least it was semi-portable. The thing was still too large but you know what they say about beggars. It was finished at any rate and I was just beginning to test it out.

Loki leaned against the wall, book in hand, right leg crossed over the left. I'd noticed his occasional glances in my direction and the smirk that hinted at a jest.

"What?” I finally took the bait. 

He set his book in the desk and came closer. “I see the way you look at me.”

I grinned, assuming I knew where this conversation was heading. “Like I want to eat you alive?”

“No. Not that.” He waved the thought away with his hand. “More than that. You love me.”

My eyes widened in surprise. I took me a moment to recover. “It’s called lust, Loki. That’s a different thing.” I deadpanned looking back down at the screen.

He let out a chuff as he continued. “You can’t hide it from me any longer. Last night, you said you did. You thought I wouldn’t notice, however, I did.”

I pushed the computer to the side and sat up straighter. “No, I did not say any such thing,” I insisted. 

“You did. Just before your climax. ‘I lov…’ and then a delicious moan. You were going to tell me you loved me.”

“Oh honey,” I laughed heartily, “I’m sorry. But even if I was going to say it, it wouldn’t matter. Even if I’d said I love you to the ends of the universe and back, it wouldn’t mean anything if I said it while you were fucking me!”

“Why not?” he asked, indignant, brow furrowed.

“Because,” I replied, “it doesn’t count. You cannot be held accountable for the things you say during sex. It’s a rule. You’re a hormonal ball of...of...nothing but sensation. You say crazy shit. It doesn’t count. Doesn’t mean a thing.” I stood and walked across the room to the small bar. “Do you want a drink? I’m having a drink.”

He silently nodded his assent and I brought him a tumbler of whiskey with three cubes of ice, his drink of choice. Mine was the same. “I believe I’ll have this on the balcony,” he said as he walked out the French doors, still frowning.

Returning to the couch with a sigh, I left the computer where it lay. I sipped my drink, contemplating his words. I’d clearly upset him with my denial. But would it serve to say I loved him? This was just a mission, like any other mission. Protect Loki. Keep him safe and out of trouble til the shit hit the fan. Did it matter that my commands hadn’t come from S.H.I.E.L.D.? Not to me. And yes, things had gotten physical. Of course it had. He just oozes sex. How was I supposed to resist that? I’d wanted him from the first time I saw him in the S.H.I.E.L.D. enclosure around Mjolnir in Puente Antiguo. By that next morning I had constructed an entire plan to find him again. But that was before. I didn’t know who he was then. I hadn’t had any of the dreams or made any of the decisions that led to this. Once I knew, everything had changed. Hadn’t it? Still. I’d risked my life and given up everything I’d known for him. Was I truly trying to convince myself I had no emotional attachment? 

I changed tracks in my mind. How would I feel once we’d found a way off world for him? Notwithstanding my physical and emotional needs, letting him go was at direct odds with my own plans. But what would happen that day? Would I give up on my protection plan and let him go to blaze his own path back to Asgard? Would I try to convince him to let me come with him? Would I ask him to forget his dreams of a throne and stay with me? 

Being honest with myself for the first time in ages, I realized that my choice would be door number three if I were only thinking of myself. The thought of being without him left a hollow pit inside of me. Had I been looking for a harbor? Maybe unconsciously I had. But this one was far from safe. It was filled with vipers and spikes. It should not have been inviting. And yet, it was.

I downed the rest of my glass on a oner. “Shit.”

I stood up, grabbed the whiskey, took a long pull off the bottle, and walked out the door.

I collapsed into the patio chair adjacent to the lounge he'd lain back on, took a deep breath and looked into his eyes as I forcefully blew it out.

Loki grinned ear to ear and said, "You do!"

I buried my face in my hands.

The thought of this admission made me feel as if my soul were eating a lemon, at the same time painful and pleasing. Looking up at him, I'm fairly certain my face registered this sentiment. He began to laugh.

"You really want to do this right now?" I asked. He nodded. "Fine. Okay. Oh god. This is happening." I folded my arms across my chest protectively before continuing. "Why it is so important for me to debase myself for you."

"You first," he replied, continuing to display his win face.

Deep breath. "Yes. I love you. I probably have since the first second I laid eyes on you. You’re so strong, self assured, and beautiful, I’m pretty sure I never stood a chance. I'm not sure I like it and I don't know what the hell to do about it. But you're right. I love you. I do."

"So then you lied to me. That's not allowed."

"No," I replied, shushing finger in the air, "I did not lie to you. To myself certainly but never to you. I've just now 5 minutes ago decided this to be true. And now I'm telling you. Now, why are you making me do this?"

Throwing his legs off the sides of the lounger, smile fading, he sat up straighter. "I’ve felt these last weeks something I haven’t in a very long time. I’ve felt,” he looked into his empty glass, avoiding my eyes, “cared for. Safe.” I pulled the glass from his hands, set it down on the table next to the bottle, and took his hands in mine. He looked up as I slid from my chair onto his. I turned so my back was pressed snugly into him and he wrapped his arms around me. 

“Go on,” I chided.

I felt his smile return as he kissed the top of my head. “I realize the peril you’ve put yourself in on my behalf. I don’t fully understand why you’ve done it but I have the highest respect for it. Also, you make me laugh. That’s not always easy. Also I’ll never forget the first time we met, when you were scrambling on the ground in that ridiculously short skirt. I’m pretty sure I loved you from the first moment I saw that backside.”

“Shut up,” I grinned.

“Mostly had to goad you into saying it first because what if I were the first to divulge it to you, maybe during sex as well,” he teased.

“You already know that doesn’t count.”

“But after it had escaped me once, how would I have stopped the flood? I’d have said it again as you fell asleep in my arms. And again at breakfast the following morning. I’d never be able to stop. Imagine how mortifying that would be, if you didn’t feel the same.” He nuzzled his nose into my hair.

 I sighed, "This just makes it all so much more complicated.” 

 "How? We're still stuck here, hiding out indefinitely. We already have a physical relationship. This changes nothing."

 I turn my head fully to look up at him. "It changes everything. Before I was trying to protect you for the good of the universe. But if it didn't work out? Oh well. You've met me. You know I don't care that much about anything. Until I do. This has gone from something I feel like I should do to a thing that I’ll put everything on the line for."

 "Haven’t you already?” He asked with a smile. “For now we just enjoy our time. There's no point in dwelling over endpoints at this juncture. Besides, are you telling me that this journey was something you had not intended to see through to completion? I think not. This was the path we've been on from the first moment."

 "You are very wise, sir. I think maybe this is the first time I've ever been okay not being the most intelligent person in a room," I said, smiling.

“We are not in a room. We’re on the balcony.” He lowered his lips to the side my neck and began to draw slow circles on it with his tongue.

 I turned around so we were face to face and kissed him forcibly as I opened his button-down. Running my hands over his smooth, well muscled chest and over his shoulders, I pulled the shirt down his arms and off. His lithe fingers played in my hair as his tongue continued its exploration of my mouth. I pulled away suddenly, deciding against everything in my being that was keeping my mouth shut, to finish the conversation, rather than ride him until we broke the lounger.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, as I dropped my forehead to his.

“This isn't going to turn out well for you. You need to know that before we go any farther into, whatever this is.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I’ve seen things that don’t look promising. But it’s not even about that. It’s me. Nothing good ever comes from being with me.” He gave me a disbelieving smirk. “I’m serious. You’ve met Bruce. You’ve seen what happened to him. And the next guy?” My right hand curled unconsciously over the memorial tattoo on my left side. “He didn’t come out of it even half as well as Dr. Banner.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “So, you say you are directly responsible for the poor fates befalling these men?”

“No, not directly-”

“Then I have no concerns. What will happen will happen. It cannot possibly be worse for me that what I’ve already experienced. I am unworried.”

His nonchalant attitude gave me a hope and contentment that I shouldn’t have trusted, but I did. After swiping the completely unnecessary dress off over my head, I began to remove his equally offensive pants. He lifted his hips to help, and of course he was bare underneath. I laughed, “You do this shit to me on purpose, don’t you?”

He just grinned up at me. I could not resist trying to erase that look on his face. I wiggled down the lounger and took him inside my mouth, slowly drawing him in deeply, then pulling back to run my tongue around the head of him. As I sucked him in again I heard his head hit the chair and his hands entangled in my hair, more roughly this time. I repeated the movements until his hips began to move involuntarily with the rhythm and he pulled my head back. As I looked at him, he shook his head and brought me back up face to face.

“I want to see you.” He reached around my back to the clasp of my bra, freeing my breasts as I shimmied out of my panties. I straddled his hips and he pushed himself inside me. My hands landed on his shoulders as I began to massage him with the rocking of my hips and the smooth undulation of my muscles, my eyes never leaving his. He kept one hand on my hip for leverage as he began to move with me, but the other moved to my breast. His thumb circled my taut nipple, and that was it. My eyes closed and my head fell back in a low moan. He chuckled as he quickened his pace. A few more moments had my moans intensifying to a lusty cry. As I came, he pulled me in against his chest and with a few energetic thrusts, released into me.

As our breathing slowed, I looked around. “We really are on the balcony. I think there might be people cheering us on down there. I guess it’s a good thing our room in on an upper level.” 

He shook his head, “No matter. Let them enjoy the show.” 

“I just never expected it to be like this.”

“Why? Could you not feel the essence of my virility when first we met?” he grinned up at me from his inferior position and I laughed.

“It’s not that. This,” I gestured down to the place we were still connected, “is pretty much exactly how I pictured it. Everything else though...I guess I never expected this to feel so domestic. Just hanging around watching TV and eating junk food with you feels unnaturally natural.”

“You’re not a naturally domestic creature then?”

I laughed again. “No! Ask anyone. They’d tell you I’m nothing of the sort.”

“And yet, you expect your friends to believe that you’ve done exactly that? Run off to form a union with a person none of them knows?”

“Good point. Okay, I guess maybe I’ve had some tendencies toward settling down for a while now. I did try once but...It didn’t take.” I sighed. “Maybe I would like to settle a bit. Have a garden or something.”

“I could see you in a garden,” he grinned, “with a wide brimmed hat, shears in hand, maybe carrying a papoose on your back, some sort of tiny infant creature inside…” 

I threw my head back so far I was looking at the inky sky above and let out a loud guffaw. “Now you’re going too far. That’s not at all appealing.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“No. Small dependent things aren’t my style. I couldn’t even take care of Clint's dog. How was I supposed to know dogs can’t eat grapes? Besides, I can’t even consider what my retirement might look like until we’ve gotten you sorted.” 

"Perhaps I don't care to be sorted. Perhaps I'm in no hurry to leave a situation wherein I am contented for one that will most certainly bring me nothing but pain and suffering."

"You're not seriously considering staying here, are you?"

He shrugged. "I'm considering being wherever you happen to be, if that answers your question in any way."

"Really?" 

"Truly. At least for now."

"So, what do we do?"

"We move on."

"To what?"

"Our future."


End file.
